Image via Complex Original
It's common knowledge that hipsters are the worst. Whether they're gentrifying culturally diverse city neighborhoods, or polluting your surroundings with their unwarranted air of superiority, hipsters generally ruin everything. Especially style trends. We've seen many clothing styles fall victim to rampant appropriation, going from affected aesthetic to the backs of every other bearded dude with a man bun faster than you can say "over it."
A combination of fast fashion and the old-fashioned, general hipster style pulls from a variety of subcultures while mixing in some labels du jour. It's the worst kind of lifestyle terrorism, a bunch of dilettantes dressing to impress each other, and in the process driving trends to the ground before they even become bona fide "trends"—all while drinking their hand-crafted coffee. As such, there are certain style choices that exist in that weird time vacuum between "passé" and "nostalgically acceptable." So before your rent rises because of the artisanal sandwich shop or mustache salon that opened down the street, check out these 10 Corny Style Trends Hipsters Refuse to Let Die.
Illustrations by Oli Holmes
Trucker Hats
Circa 2003 hipsters loved riffing on the staples of blue collar culture to be “ironic,” and the trucker hat was their cap of choice. Vintage finds with logos like the John Deere tractor company or Pabst Blue Ribbon beer ruled the roost before the trucker hat was obscenely obliterated through douche-riffic brands like Von Dutch worn by cele-bro-ties like Ashton Kutcher. Sure, Pharrell's N.E.R.D. trucker hat became a streetwear style staple of the time, and brands like Supreme readily make different versions, but the mesh-crowned headwear's blue collar roots are all but forgotten, and anyone trying to hold onto those good old days only looks left behind.
American Apparel Hoodies
Once the most common thing on college campuses and city sidewalks, it's easy to see how and why the American Apparel hoodie became one of the biggest things ruined by hipsters in the early 'aughts. The un-logoed brand was effectively the symbol of the rise of hipster fashion, allowing everyone to dress the same without actively claiming allegiance to a clothing company. It was this simple effect that gave the appearance of American Apparel's ironic and counterculture appearance, aided by racy imagery and sexy, waifish models.
The one piece in the brand's catalog that almost anyone could co-sign? Their zip-up hoodies, which came in almost every color imaginable. While the zip-up hoodie in general is a sportswear staple, the days when American Apparel's California fleece iterations could be spotted everywhere from the hookah bar to the vegan deli are as far removed as The Strokes' last good album. Need proof? Look no further than American Apparel's modern day sales slump.
Bright Colored Skinny Jeans
Black jeans? Great. White jeans? A summertime staple. Gray jeans? Acceptable. Slime green? NAH. Skinny jeans in garish colors aren't just a phenomenon in hipster circles, but one that you could find at any local mall around the country. Whether you cop them from Macy's or Zumiez, one thing's certain: They're ugly. Whether you're fixing up your fixed gear, or a meeting your friends at the open mic, it's hard to really advocate for something that makes your legs look like they've been dipped in a highlighter or a vat of Skittles dye. Stick to indigo or black.
Keffiyeh
You may have last heard of about Keffiyehs in Vampire Weekend's “Campus” song or the Child Rebel Soldier "Us Placers" music video from 2007, and that kind of says it all. The scarf is usually worn by those in the arid Middle East, and provides protection from sunburn, dust, and sand. While they cover a wide spectrum of colors based on national background and purpose, the black and white colorway grew in popularity as a symbol of Palestinian nationalism.
What's worse than cultural appropriation? Wearing a political statement that, at best, you last studied in your university Poli-Sci class; and at worst, know nothing about. To add insult to injury, Rachael Ray wore one while shilling Dunkin' Donuts coffee in 2008. The commercial's since been banned, because no one wants to start a war over Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
Waistcoats
Yes, waistcoats are a part of any classic three-piece suit (hint: it's the “third” piece), but how often do you see guys wearing vests with a graphic tee instead of an actual suit? A staple of the mid-2000s barista, a waistcoat got a second life as an “old-timey” accessory for people with no idea how to dress themselves. While the waistcoat could be argued as a functional layer, it's about as pragmatic as a sweater vest—and three times more douchey. It may be hot when you're pouring drinks at your speakeasy, or busting out espresso shots, but no one needs the little bit of torso warmth that waistcoats offer. Even if you're considering one for a suit, just buy a simple two-piece joint and move on; it'll last longer, and is easier to flip for more situations.
Espadrilles
Nothing excites hipsters like helping a good cause—especially when all you have to do is give a little money to receive the the necessary smug satisfaction. When TOMS blew up, people were into the idea of helping out those on the other side of the world, and that's a good thing at its core. But then what started out as a good intentioned semi-charity ultimately became a trend that corporations and brands at large wanted to cash in on. The result was a corny, impractical footwear that brought "jute sole" into the modern menswear wardrobe. Here's an idea: Buy a real pair of shoes and donate your money without expecting anything in return.
Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 Sneaker
Oh man, you're choice of a sneaker that isn't Nike or adidas really shows how you're giving the finger to the norm. More than anything, as white guys live out their Bruce Lee and Kill Bill fantasies, the Japanese trainers are yet another thing for corny white guys to adopt into their wardrobe. It also gives independent-minded hipsters the feeling that they're supporting the little guy—even though Onitsuka Tiger is a subsidiary of ASICS. While Onitsuka Tiger kicks aren't objectively lame, there's little doubt that the shoe has lost much of its cool factor after being worn by droves of milquetoast white guys with a serious case of yellow fever.
Casual Bowties and Suspenders
Let's get this out of the way: Bowties are for black tie events. Yes, your girlfriend thinks that they're cute, but she's not the doofus who's wearing it. While recent trends embracing traditionally nerdy styles have seen the introduction of bowties in more casual situations, at best you look like cheap version of an Ivy League professor, and at worst you look like an aspiring pick-up artist who just learned about "peacocking." Drop in suspenders for the complete look. It's one thing if you're wearing them underneath your suit jacket, but alone, you look like a beer-bellied grandfather, or an extra in Boardwalk Empire (that's not a compliment). Sure it's ironic, but certainly not something worth wearing when you could just buy a belt for the same effect—and look miles better. It's just another once-formal piece that's had it's reputation ruined by the need to “dress it down.”
Jorts
After one too many near-death experiences from a denim pant leg caught in their fixie, the hippest among us decided to pay homage to their youthful days in the '90s and create a pair of jorts. "They're just jeans with the legs cutoff," they told themselves as they hacked a pair of well-worn A.P.C. New Standards off at the knee. Oh, how wrong they were.
It's not just that there are better shorts options for when the weather (and bicycle transport) needs come calling, jorts make sense for hipsters because they're intentionally ugly . We know that you're trying to combine the practicality of denim with the comfort of shorts, but unless you're 22 and weigh 130 pounds or your name is Pharrell Williams, you probably can't pull them off.
Fedoras
There's been enough literature on fedoras to explain why they're generally just a bad look, but what began as obscure piece of headwear for casual dress, quickly turned into a trashy trend that can now be scooped up in your local Walmart. While wide-brimmed hats have grown in popularity, there's a certain art to wearing one without looking like a virgin. Being a "hat guy" means making a commitment, which is why guys like Theophilus London can pull it off, because it becomes a part of his signature style. It also means knowing how to wear one, and using that power wisely.
It's one thing to make an investment in a grown-up hat from a storied hatter like Borsalino or Stetson, and it's another to ride a trend and go with a super-cheap version from H&M. No matter how many times you tip your fedora to the "m'ladys" of the world, it won't change the fact that by and large, crappy hats in a casual context look absolutely terrible.