Image via Complex Original
Boston may be small but the range of douchebags is surprisingly vast. In a city overrun by college kids and rowdy sports fans, douchiness comes naturally. The term "Masshole" encompasses so much shittiness, so much repellent behavior, that we had to document all of it. And the easiest way is to spotlight the places where these people drink.
Townie douches, rich douches, college douches (and the special subcategory, underage college douches), old douches, and of course the douchey staff members who keep these douchey establishments up and running—let's take a minute to thank them all.
Here are the 25 douchiest bars in Boston.
RELATED: The 25 Douchiest Bars in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Washington D.C.
25. Scholars
Address: 25 School St.
Website: scholarsbostonbistro.com
Because of its size, Scholars is the main destination downtown for the after-work crowd. Though it appears to have the vibe of a pool hall, the bouncers will turn you away for wearing Chuck Taylors. Moneyed douches only. Everyone here has forgotten that no one in Boston dresses up for anything; the city’s cash flow comes from start-up guys who don't even own a pair of nice shoes. But you can live a douchey dream at Scholars.
24. Daisy Buchanan's
Address: 240 Newbury St.
Website: daisybuchanansboston.com
If you lived in Boston before you turned 21, you’ve been to Daisy’s, as it’s affectionately known. You've probably been caught puking in the sink. It happens. Though it’s located on Newbury, Boston's most popular shopping street, it's more like the bars of Faneuil. With the same 10-song playlist that was in effect in '05, this place is a time machine back to the last time you drank there. See, there’s that same old man in the tight leather snakeskin-print pants shimmying across the dance floor. You never left.
23. Hurricane O'Reilly's
Address: 150 Canal St.
Website: hurricaneoreillysboston.com
The dance floor at Hurricane O'Reilly's, near the Garden, is one of the most terrifying destinations in Boston. It doubles as an arena for drunk girls to flail around while a mass of men stand around them like predators, waiting to pounce. And they will pounce. If turned down, they appear genuinely confused about why the pretty girl didn’t want a belt buckle screwed into the small of her back. As a sociological study, it’s fantastic.
22. Tia's
Address: 200 Atlantic Ave.
Website: tiaswaterfront.com
This is where the preppies come before finishing the night at Sail Loft, where Wall Street wannabes come to get wasted. Each and every happy hour here is dedicated to hedge fund speculation and boat rental prospects. And boat shoes—you can’t forget those. Tia’s reaches its peak around 7 p.m., so if you show up and the crowd is starting to look scarce, chances are they've already migrated to the Sail Loft up the street. You’ll have to follow to continue your education in being an asshole.
21. West End Johnnie's
Address: 138 Portland St.
Website: westendjohnnies.com
Famous for an hour-long wait even when it’s empty, West End Johnnie’s is douche all the way down. The employees are just as shitty as the hot-mess clientele that keep it in business. If you get inside, you’ll need more than a few shots to erase the memory of waiting to get inside a place like this. If you don't choose to black out, expect fist pumping to house remixes, wet and sticky floors, and overpriced well cocktails in small plastic cups.
20. Venu
Address: 100 Warrenton St.
Website: venuboston.com
Oh, Warrenton Street! You know the name because of the frequent club shootings, for which we have Venu to thank. It’s the stretch of concrete long enough to house a parking lot, a few sketchy buildings, and the two creepiest clubs you’ll ever come across. The lesser of the two is Venu. Smaller than its neighbor Rumor, and much more rough around the edges, this place is known for overpriced covers and the ability to attract street violence like a magnet.
19. Stats Bar & Grille
Address: 77 Dorchester St.
Website: statsboston.com
Every neighborhood needs its douche heaven, and Southie has Stats. It’s your typical “yeah, dude” bar, with a clientele defined by their over-exaggerated Boston accents. Though it was once a hangout for junkies and burnouts, Stats has experienced a yuppie takeover as of late. Beer prices have jumped by a dollar or two, giving the illusion of high-caliber fun. That’s the reason for the line that now forms on Saturday nights. Since when do people wait in line for a dive bar?
18. Bond
Address: 250 Franklin St.
Website: bondboston.com
You’ll find the seasoned douche at Bond, the 30-something with money to blow. It’s one of those places where desperate and married cougars troll the bar and lounge while cheesy stockbroker-types compare wallet sizes, long past the dick comparisons that college boys enjoy so much. This is the den of the affluent douche. Everything for sale is overpriced and mediocre, from the food to the cocktails, but that’s to be expected at a place that’s decorated with oversized dollar bills. Come here and expect to drop some dough, especially if you want to sit outside on their “patio” and be “seen” by the Financial District’s working crowd as they trudge home.
17. Ned Devine's
Address: 1 North Market St.
Website: neddevinesboston.com
During the day, Ned Devine’s is overrun by tourists looking for a snack or pint. At night, chaos reigns: suburbanites flood the streets of Fanieul, inevitably arriving here. The no-name DJs and off-tune cover bands playing the first floor don’t much faze patrons. Everyone is here to find a person to fuck, not listen to music or try and have fun. Sloppy dance floors, sloppier dance moves, and beer goggles galore abound at this joint. Since Boston’s Coyote Ugly closed in 2004, this is all the city has now.
16. The Ocean Club at Marina Bay
Address: 333 Victory Rd., Quincy, MA
Website: oceanclubatmarinabay.com
People-watching at Ocean Club is fantastic, as it’s the closest New England comes to the Jersey Shore. Chock-full of bejeweled T-shirts, neon mesh dresses, and if you’re lucky, an appearance from Pauly D himself, this place isn't very different from Karma. Even decent DJ sets on summer Sundays won’t stop you from feeling hopeless about the future of humanity.
15. Alibi Lounge
Address: 215 Charles St.
Website: alibiboston.com
Located inside an old prison, Alibi has great ambiance so long as there aren't humans present. The red brick walls still have cell bars in place and are adorned with celebrity mug shots. Unfortunately, this is easy to miss under dim lights. And then people arrive to make it even harder. Alibi is notorious for being a weekend meat market, where the well-dressed cosmopolitan crowd comes to find Beacon Hill babes with family money. Any decent person will cringe with each arrogant one-liner directed at the severely-coiffed 20-somethings. Overpriced cocktails, underwhelming food—the only reason to be here is if you desperately need a one-night stand.
14. Howl at the Moon
Address: 184 High St.
Website: howlatthemoon.com
By seven o'clock, the line at dueling-piano-bar Howl at the Moon is around the block, with a wait of over an hour for the rest of the night. Why? Because douchebags love girls wearing light-up penis hats. Howl at the Moon is bachelorette party city; expect at least eight different gatherings on any given night. And it would be wrong to ignore the suburban cougars occupying the other tables—they’re terrible, too. Even the alcohol-poisoning-proof punch served in generous buckets isn’t enough to distract from the off-tune singing by the clowns on the pianos. Contrary to popular belief, the performers are in fact professionals paid to publicly ruin popular music for a gang of idiots drinking to ignore the future.
13. The Estate
Address: 1 Boylston Pl.
Website: theestateboston.com
You’ll freeze before you make it inside the Estate, as you’ll be caught in the outside line for hours before getting the opportunity to pay the hefty cover. Once inside, enjoy the floors, which are always sticky from spilled drinks. It makes moving a fun, aerobic challenge. Also, get ready to breathe through your mouth; inhaling with your nose in a place full of this many sweating people is a bad idea. If you feel something wet splash across your face, it’s probably champagne, as stupid rich kids love popping bottles. With lovely outdated décor, and a staff that will treat you like dirt unless you’re getting bottle service, this is a nightclub worth skipping.
12. Dillon's Restaurant and Bar
Address: 955 Boylston St.
Website: dillonsboston.com
The bars along Boylston Street are douche havens. The first stop on the strip is Dillon’s, where the archetypal Frat Boy can be found turning anything into an occasion for drinking: the game, the weekend, a really tough Tuesday. If observing Greek life is no longer of interest, head to the patio, where you can find mice scurrying about. Of course this bar is infested. Another neat thing: The bar doesn't play music (at least not loud enough to hear), meaning you must endure the mindless conversations between meatheads, speaking about fucking up their nights by not fucking some girl, but still getting fucked up, which made it all a pretty fucking good night, as far as nights go.
11. Underbar
Address: 275 Tremont St.
Website: underbaronline.com
You're entering a subterranean lounge full of seashells and white couches. You’re not in Miami, you’re in Boston, at Underbar, and everything is terrible. The house music blares in one room while reggae shuffles in the other. The dance floor is a walking path that winds around the oblong pleather couch occupying the room’s center, turning the space into a circular track, a slow race of dehumanization. The female bartenders are typically outfitted with bustiers, but what they lack in fabric they make up for in pounds of makeup. You’ve got to wonder about a place that advertises the “nice coat check chick” as a reason to go. You’ve got to wonder about all of it.
10. Liquor Store
Address: 25 Boylston Pl.
Website: liquorstoreboston.com
This is what happens when you combine a mechanical bull, too much hair gel, and some of the shittiest bouncers in the city. The mechanical bull calls to douchebags like the Pied Piper, prompting bros to pray to the creatine gods for upskirt action, may a low self-esteem'd girl take a fall. Not uncommon: bartenders changing tip amounts on credit card bills, or bouncers kicking patrons out for looking at them "wrong." Liquor Store sells bachelorette packages, so there's that kind of human sadness, too.
9. Rumor
Address: 100 Warrenton St.
Website: rumorboston.com
The European douche is in rare form at Rumor. These rich kids come from all over the world on parents' dimes, wanting to take Boston’s college scene by storm. Arriving at Logan with a Maserati in the cargo deck, their first stop? Tuesday night at Rumor. To get in, they pay off bouncers (having just turned 18, nobody's buying the "I left my passport at home" bit). Don’t believe any of the game spun—no one here lives in a penthouse. If you think you’ve been roofied during the 15 minutes you spent at the VIP bar with the questionable looking "oil tycoon," well, you probably were.
8. The Whiskey Priest
Address: 150 Northern Ave.
Website: whiskey-priest.com
A poor use of a good space, the roof deck at Whiskey Priest can comfortably fit about 50 people, which is far lower than the 300 who jam it on weekend nights. Another strike: the huge divider between the bar and restaurant that ruins mobility. If these people were serious about whiskey, they should make it a easier to order one. Most people choose Bud Light because the bar is too crowded to find a menu, let alone sample something. As for the crowd: bros in khakis, some of the Seaport employees that don’t want to spend money, and a few lazy yuppies from Southie. The occasional live entertainment is a sorry excuse for an Irish band that technically qualifies as noise pollution.
7. The Point
Address: 147 Hanover St.
Website: thepointboston.net
The worst Faneuil Hall has to offer, the Point stays in business because of location alone. The bathrooms are as grimy as Haymarket on a Saturday morning (no wonder—it's right outside) and the clientele isn't any better: a mix of Masshole suburb-dwellers and city bros. Visit the "dance floor" upstairs and expect a disregard for personal space and flagrant grinding. Also, why is this place under construction so often? What the hell are they fixing? Don’t they know there’s no point?
6. Boston Sail Loft
Address: 80 Atlantic Ave.
Website: n/a
Sail Loft is well-stocked with the finest assholes of New England’s famous prep schools, people who use the word "summer" as a verb. If you’re not decked out in Nantucket reds and the Polo hat you’ve worn lovingly since ’98, you’re doing it wrong. While the ladies are taking hours to prepare for this North End nightmare, the boys are parking the family boat outside. It’ll remind you of high school mingling, because this crowd is still there, mentally.
5. Joshua Tree
Address: 1316 Commonwealth Ave., Allston, MA
Website: joshuatreeallston.com
Hopefully we aren’t misinforming you about the name. We checked yesterday, but with a bar that’s changed titles so many times, it’s hard to be sure. Guess that's what happens when underage kids are your main source of income. And a specific sort of kid: You won’t find any Allston hipsters here, just a bristling flock of bros. Two vodka sodas and one light beer later, you’ll find yourself coerced into shaking your ass to Journey and John Mellencamp under the watchful gaze of someone with more muscles than friends. That’s just the first floor. If you want to subject yourself to the Top 40 of 2010, you have to wait in a second line to get to the neon-lit make-out room downstairs.
4. The Greatest Bar
Address: 262 Friend St.
Website: thegreatestbar.com
Because of its proximity to the Garden, this incorrectly named big top of sadness attracts drunken sports fans before and after the game. The $10 cover grants access to four floors of sloppiness: bros falling to the ground sideways dressed in the jersey of their favorite player, while girls writhe atop the bar under the cold rinse of the wet T-shirt contest. No one will mistake the bartenders for mixologists, but believe your eyes when it comes to behind-the-bar guests: They are, in fact, washed-up Real World alums. If you think the free frozen pizza that comes with the bucket of Rolling Rock is a good deal, then you’re home. All others should order in.
3. Gypsy Bar
Address: 116 Boylston St.
Website: gypsybarboston.com
Boston may suffer from racial tension, but Gypsy Bar is a melting pot of douche. Between the obliterated (and underage) college kids slurring from shot after shot to the tight-shirted Eurotrash gesticulating wildly with his designer body, you can’t understand what any of the creepers are saying. But the smart money is on bad come-ons. What's worse is the terrifying moment when a faceless stranger starts grinding someone from behind, sans introduction. No thanks. The jellyfish-filled aquariums lining the walls are nice, but can't make up for indiscretions like a half-full plastic cup of liquor you’ve paid $10 for. Gypsy Bar is the definition of a shit show; it’s not uncommon to see girls throwing up while their boyfriends start fistfights.
2. Jose McIntyre's
Address: 160 Milk St.
Website: josemcintyresboston.com
Located near the center of Faneuil Hall, Jose McIntyre's has nothing you want. The food, the clientele (undergrads, mostly), and the music are all offensive, making even cheap beer less desirable, an unforgivable act. Typical song choices include second-tier Nelly singles and other Top-40 forgettables from 2002. If you’re brave/drunk enough to set foot on the dance floor, you'll be doused with Red Bull and vodka in seconds. As for the Happy Hour food specials, would you trust Mexican food from an Irish pub? Didn't think so.
1. Tequila Rain
Address: 145 Ipswich St.
Website: tequilarainboston.com
The one place in Boston where people order piña coladas, Tequila Rain is the closest thing to spring break in Beantown. That's not a good thing. A beach scene transplanted into the heart of Fenway, this monstrosity deploys radio spots that boast about fake sand and palm trees. Dirtier than a Cancun foam party, Tequila Rain is a vacation for suburban meatheads looking to hit each other while scantily clad bachelorettes dive heels first into depressing behavior that'll have them signing divorce papers as soon as the Facebook pictures go up. The upside? Leave, and you can grab amazing tacos at La Verdad's late-night stand next door.