Address: 1222 1st St NE

Oh, Ibiza! If only you were as beautiful as your island namesake. Ibiza (erroneously and hilariously pronounced "Eye-biza" by regulars) wins points for its equal opportunity douchery; it has something that douches of various creeds and colors will love. Here's some shit that nobody will like, though: waiting in that long-ass line to get inside. You'll drop a dub for admission, but the time you'll have is not worth what you just paid. The place is huge, with a main room like an arena packed with everyone from bedazzled juicers to trap stars scouting the area for bait. You'll catch your fair share of celebrity types here, including Common, Nicki Minaj, and even Stephen A. Smith and Melyssa Ford, who just happened to be in the building at the same damn time (check the photo above). He was ogling her famous figure like every other dude in the building, and we can't say we blame him.

The newest addition to Ibiza is a rooftop bar, because every "elite" nightlife spot in D.C. needs a rooftop bar. Because everyone in D.C. needs another reason to feel important. The best moment of your night will be when they stop playing Flo-rida and switch to Waka or 2 Chainz, letting you mow down the people in the main room. Truuuuuu.