One of my favorite things on the Internet was back when Shea Serrano used to write about coaching his junior high football team, amongst music and other things, for us every Friday before he took his talents to Grantland. RIP "Diamonds & Wood." That shit was > (Friday Night Lights + Remember the Titans + Bad New Bears) x The Mighty Ducks. Anyways, the only real coaching anecdote I have is the one time my buddy and I agreed to be assistant coaches for our other good friend's son's basketball team. And by "assistant coaches," I mean we were asked to help watch the kids and make sure no one kidnapped them. But in our heads we heard, "How about you guys go make yourselves some screen printed T-shirts and buy some whistles and contribute to the team despite your entire basketball knowledge base coming from back issues of SLAM and your near perfect seasons on NBA Jam?" Long story short, we were eventually just asked to remain "supportive fans" instead of standing on the sidelines because we forgot you can't encourage 7-year-olds at half time with aphorisms like, "FUCK YEAH MY GUYS, WE'RE KILLING THEM! KEEP IT UP!" Or, "Shake it off my dude, that team doesn't even have matching sneakers. What are they? Poors?" Or, "HOLY SHIT! A BUZZER BEATER? I DIDN'T KNOW 7-YEAR-OLDS COULD EVEN BUZZER BEAT. HELL YEAH! CHICK NUGZ ON ME AND COACH PAUL FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING SQUAD. EVERYONE THANK JAYSHAWN FOR THAT SHOT. CLAP IT UP FOR CHICK NUGZ."
Umm, right, this is a coach's jacket from Bedwin & The Heartbreakers.
