YO, WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS GUY IN CHINA STRAIGHT UP FLUNG HIMSELF OFF THE SEVENTH FLOOR OF A MALL BECAUSE HIS GIRL WOULDN’T STOP CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. Now, I’m normally not one to poke fun at the death of another living being. That shit is sad and fucked up and we all feel for everyone involved. BUT YO, YOU COULDA JUST LEFT THE BISH AT THE MALL, NAHMEAN? Just made her take a cab home or whatever. She’d either break up with you or you’d get, like, zero blowies for the rest of your life, but at least you’d both be alive. I never thought I'd live to see the day when "women be shopping" would actually claim a life.

When I first read this I was like, “Damn, that’s a little dramatic. How long could they have really been shopping in the mall for? Like, 2-3 hours tops, right?” Wrong. FIVE FUCKING HOURS. The tip-off shoulda been the fact that this mall has seven floors. I’ve been to China—their malls make ours look like tiny pieces of shit. Can you imagine shopping in any mall for five our straight, let alone, an unstoppable thunderdome type mall? I’m pretty sure I’ve never done anything for five hours straight. Even on a road trip I take a break around the 3.5-4 hour mark. This couple sounds like they were pretty dramatic overall to be honest. Can you imagine what it was like back at home when they wanted to watch different things on Netflix?

Also, big ups to the rando comments on Gawker: “This is off peak hours. I’ve been there, normally it’s much busier.” THANKS FOR THE INFO, "DIESEL". I’M SURE EVERYONE READING ABOUT THIS HORRIFIC HOLIDAY STORY WAS CURIOUS AS TO HOW BUSY THIS MALL CAN GET AT PEAK HOURS.

The moral of the story? The next time your girl rolls her eyes at you when you tell her you’re just gonna post up at Panda Express and eat your feelings, remind her that some dude in China offed his whole everything because a lesser female tried to force him go into Victoria’s Secret. Stay safe out there, folks.