Man, after saying I wasn’t that into Converse sneakers, I’ve been seeing a lot of Converse sneakers that I am actually into. Take these First String Auckland Racer OX’s. Ridiculously long name aside, the terry cloth upper is some next level dopeness. Sure, it makes them look like oatmeal—which, if I were younger, I’d be like, “Oatmeal fucking sucks, B”—but now that I’m older and I’ve realized the importance of regularity and a morning routine, I know that oatmeal actually doesn’t fucking suck, B. You just need to add a bunch of honey and blueberries to that shit and—BOOM—your oatmeal is fucking turbo. I know that was a tenuous tangent, but the only other thing that these sneakers make me think of is papier-mâché and I’ve got zero papier-mâché tangents.