hon·ey noun \ˈhə-nē\
: a thick, sweet substance made by bees
: a fine-ass babe that you want to put your man-Twizzler inside of

Not able to pick up honnies like you should be? Trying to figure out what’s going wrong?

Follow these film influenced tips and you should increase success rate of dating in the future. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know, I’m not perfect, get off my dick. Shit, wouldn’t that be depressing? You just spend all this time reading my advice and then you still can’t hook up with anyone? Honestly dude, you’re bringing my down. Why do you have to be like that?

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.