If you weren’t lame as a young’n, you ran in something resembling a crew. Maybe you and your homies from round the way were skaters, or moth collectors, or ate Dunkaroos in a tree house called the “He-man Hoodrat Haterz Club.” No matter what recreational glue held your crew together, it had a purpose.

As we mature, so too does our need for a “crew.” We get less concerned with who’s got the fattest pegs on their bike and more obsessed with cash, cars, and clothes. So, today I’m playing T.A. for all you yuckletrons who wanna take the DIY approach to crew assemblage. There’s a type of crew for every need imaginable. You finna steal a priceless lithograph from the Louvre? There’s a crew for that. Tryna keep rival fuck nuggets from encroaching on your turf? There’s a crew for that. Wanna manipulate the media to further your 1-percenter agenda? Off the record, there’s a crew for that. Channel the pack mentality of your youth and commit these edicts to memory because it's time to squad the fuck up.

Rick Morrison is a writer living in North Carolina. Follow him on Twitter here.