You've been known to shout, "IT'S A KILT, BRUH!" and can cite past examples of fashionable dudes wearing skirts (1984, 1993, 2004, 2009, and 2012). You practice soliloquies about silhouette, gender as a social construct, and fashion as visual expression. But all that can't do anything for you when a strong wind gives you your first Marilyn Monroe moment.
1. You passionately make the case for skirts.