25 Creepy Valentine's Day Cards

February 14: A frightening day that cannot end soon enough. Luv ya lots!

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Valentine's Day is here, and it's not the easiest day to get right. What does she want? Should you go fancy or modest? Chocolates, roses, teddy bear, puppy? Sheesh, there are so many ways to get it wrong.

And yet, there is nothing so wrong as a creepy vintage Valentine's Day card. They were really creepy back then: cute kids exchanging sexually suggestive puns; inanimate objects looking for love; a dog farting on a man in bed who is dreaming of cheese. This was how you declared your love back then. What were these people thinking?

Here are 25 of the creepiest. If you're down in the dumps because you don't think you'll be getting a card from a special someone this year, just pray that Judy from accounting doesn't slip one of these into your inbox.

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Freddie Mercury

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Off the Top of My Head

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Wurst. Card. Ever.

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Witchy Woman

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Getting Whacked

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Lubricated for Her Pleasure

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Here's Johnny!

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She's Frigid

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Love and a .45

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Hot Legumes

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Out, Damned Spot!

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Hive Mine

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Squirrely

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Let's Not Be Chicken

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Who's the Dummy Here?

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Forbidden Fruit

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Just Plain Creepy

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Venus 'n Fuhrer

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Poked in the Seat

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The Ambiguously Gay Duo, Jr.

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Touch My Rooster

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Cuts Like a Knife. But It Feels So Right.

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Watch the Teeth

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50 Shades of Pink

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Join the Club

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