8. Merril Hoge
As far as we can tell, Merril Hoge is a stand-up guy. He caught a bum rap in his 7th season in the NFL and was given shady medical advice which came back to force his retirement. But how can one justify tie knots that are as swollen as concussed NFL players' brains? And what's worse is when he has to take off his jacket and we're exposed to how he gets his knot so huge. By wrapping the knot three or maybe even four times, the former running back is able to get that "old-timey crooked politician who walks really fast and has a really high voice" look. You're better than this, Hoge!