As a kid you pulled their tails. Now, as an adult, you avoid eye contact with them. Mascot ranks amongst the bottom of the societal hierarchy along with pornstars and guys who writes about mascots. We kid! They've become commonplace, a con you have to put up with to catch a game in-person. Los Angeles fans you're lucky you've never had to encounter a failed actor dressed up like an idiot to entertain children and annoy everybody else.
There's nothing worse than going to a game, chatting up some babe only to have a gigantic stuffed animal hit you with bunny ears on the Jumbotron and then play a game of charades where you have absolutely no freakin' clue what he wants you to do. You try to show everyone you can play along, but through clenched teeth you're like "Okay...thank you. Get the hell out of here." And he just sits there doing something stupid while people laugh. You didn't pay 100 bucks to be center stage at the Improv with some dumbass who gets cheered for dunking with a trampoline and have to wonder whether this "man" pesters more people than he fires up.
As of this moment only a half dozen teams go to war without a cartoon character in team gear. We rounded up nearly every goofball (okay, so there's no Sacramento Gorilla or Duncan the Dragon. We're sure you're crushed) and rated them from worst to less worse. Here are 37 NBA Mascots ranked.