You've been to jail four times but your offenses are minor enough to get released due to overcrowding. At the bar you're always starting shit and constantly wait for the proper moment to bust out the bagpipes and start a drunken brawl. It may be someone who makes fun of your kilt or mocks your accent, anything to make the Piper proud.

You likely don't have a job, but if you do you're the office heel. As a secret Santa you buy intentionally crappy Christmas gifts. You cook disgusting shit in the microwave. And, when your badboy act worked on the confused young intern, you bragged to everyone in the office that you banged her. You're also the world's crappiest host, as people have stopped coming to your house due to your propensity to smash coconuts on the heads of your guests.