Sport: Football
Team: Detroit Lions
Hateful lowlight: Kneeing Matt Schaub in the crotch on Thanksgiving

Ndamukong Suh is too strong and too athletic to be on a football field, especially since he takes pleasure in committing personal fouls. Last Thanksgiving he was fined $30,000 for kicking Matt Schaub in the crank and, though he denies any wrongdoing, clearly stomped Packers lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith like a stampeding elephant in 2011. Suh is a deranged psychopath that plays a sport desperate to escape its violent subtext. One of these days he's going to rip Jared's arms off and beat him to death with them while taping a Subway commercial.