Why Miley Cyrus Should Never Be Considered a Sneakerhead

Stick to twerking, Hannah.

September 25, 2013

Image via Complex Original

It appears as if everyone is a sneakerhead these days (sigh). Whether it be former wrestlers, John Mayer, or the kid down the street—the thirst is real for some heat on feet. Enter Miley Cyrus, who’s set the country—the internet in particular—ablaze with a handful of new songs/visuals, selection of clothing (or lack thereof), and of course, her affinity for twerking. In her newly released cut entitled “23,” Cyrus and co. do their very best to pay tribute to His Airness, showing off a wide variety of Js throughout the video. However, the question remains: does this video mean the eccentric Cyrus should be welcomed with open arms into the kick game? Not quite. Follow along, as we explain Why Miley Cyrus Should Never Be Considered a Sneakerhead.

Her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus.

Miley is daughter to American country singer, songwriter, and "actor" Billy Ray Cyrus. We find it hard to imagine that while he was crooning to the country-loving masses, he was also finding the time to dispense some sneakerhead wisdom onto his daughter, let alone sporting anything besides cowboy boots along the way. But hey, that's just us.

She didn't impress anyone with her choice of footwear in "23."

Yeah, we know MC had on some "Wolf Grey" 5's, DB IX's (okay, maybe we'll give you those...), and a pair of custom (?) Fire Red 3's, but you've got us feeling like Simon Cowell over here-- we're not impressed. We all know someone with a pair of the aforementioned 5's, and you wouldn't be hard pressed to find a pair of Fire Red 3's still on shelves today. Next time, think about upping the ante a little bit.

Her Instagram lacks a sufficient amount of sneaker photos.

Do you even sneakerhead instagram, bro? I mean c'mon, where's the surplus of #hashtags, taking pics of your kicks while "accidentally" leaving other heat to be visible in the shot, and gramming a loaf of bread with your BLACK AND RED 11's? Ok, so maybe those are some dumb things even we kick addicts are victim of, but it would still be nice to see that every once in a while. Sort of.

She rarely wears clothes, let alone sneakers.

Have you seen the Wrecking Ball video yet? Case closed.

There has never, and will never be, an Air Twerk.

We may not know too many things for certain, but we can assure you no matter how hard she would have to implore the good folks over at Jordan Brand for an "Air Twerk" signature model, it will never see the light of day. And for the sake of humanity, we hope it remains that way. Plus, shoes aren't made for twerking. Not that we would know that sort of information, or anything...

The tongue wag doesn't make you qualified, either.

MJ was well known for his signature tongue-wag in his day, and it seems that Miley has drawn some sort of inspiration from his Airness. Well, probably not, but it could appear to be more than just a coincidence given the content of her new single, "23." Regardless, we have no doubt that Miley would still be using the gesture, even if Michael hadn't commercialized it first.

In 2009, she admitted she had never heard a Jay-Z song.

You may remember that pre transformation, the popstar made a little song in 2009 called "Party in the U.S.A," a song that directly references Jay Z. Surprisingly, she openly admitted that same year that she had never heard a song of Hov's, as she didn't write the song. We're pretty sure there's a negative correlation between being a sneakerhead, and not ever hearing a single Jay F*CKING Z song. Let's go ahead and chalk that up as a loss for Miley.

We've yet to see her sport a pair of Jordans until quite recently.

You're not fooling anyone here, Miley. While we've been immersed in the shoe game as long as we can remember, you come up rocking Jays quicker than you would transform into Hannah Montana. Do as you please, but just know you're no where near solidifying yourself as a sneaker head.

Kanye recently bought her five pairs of Celine fur slippers.

Slippers? We too are all for comfort, but slippers? Really? No matter how en vogue this particular pair of slippers may be, you're not gaining any brownie points from the sneaker community rocking those.