In case you missed it, last January was the third hottest January in Australian history. Join us and pray with hands and feet that February doesn’t follow suit.

You know it’s bad when beach plans sound like more of a sweaty chore than anything else. You have to contend with the scorching rays coming straight at you through that hole in the ozone layer. Better hope you were liberal enough with the Banana Boat four hours ago. Time to reapply, btw. And if that wasn’t hot enough for you, there’s third-degree burns from your seatbelt buckle and steering wheel waiting for you in the car.

Yep, if this month is anything like the last, February-in-the-outdoors is cancelled. Time to load the freezer up with zooper dooperz, wrap yourself in cold towels, and start a new show. Here are our picks.