Date: 5/6/14
Location: Philadelphia
Crime: Public Indecency
Ratchet Meter: 8

There's a long list of things you don't do aboard a bus. Somewhere near the top is masturbate.

NBC Philadelphia reports that a man sat down next to a Temple University PhD student on a Route 23 SEPTA bus in Philadelphia on May 2, then inexplicably began pleasuring himself. When he refused to stop despite her urging, she began to record him. Think that stopped him? Absolutely not.

"You know this is on video, right?" she asked him. "You really wanna do that? I have it on my phone." Eventually, the man turned to her looking completely bewildered and offered puzzling comments: "Are you serious right now? I'm standing here the whole time. Why wouldn't you just say something?"

The spectacle became too much for other passengers to handle, and they confronted him, prompting his exit. Both the woman and the driver reached out to police, and the Special Victims Unit is conducting an investigation.

According to NBC Philadelphia, police are awaiting warrant approval so they can arrest the man. In a battle where there are only losers, who's worse: this guy, or the serial Swiss cheese masturbator?