The Best "Veep" Insults to Eviscerate Your Enemies

Running out of words to defend yourself? Seek Selina Meyer's team for help.

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Complex Original

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Just when you thought you couldn’t possibly consume any more “holy shit the Vice President of The United States just pushed a girl in front of a moving train” moments out of a political television series (Spoiler alert: We are talking about House of Cards), then you haven't checked out the shock value that Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and her crew bring to HBO’s political comedy, Veep.

Politicians aren’t the only ones who have enemies gunning to take them down and embarrass them in front of the masses. With season three of Veep premiering this Sunday, we thought it would be a good idea to catch you up on all of the nasty, derogatory, and gut-wrenching insults that makes this series such a pleasure to enjoy. So take out your notepad and relish in The Best Veep Insults to Eviscerate Your Enemies.

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"That's Washington D.C. for you. D.C.—District of Cunts." —Selina Meyer

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"You probably still get your porn from magazines." —Jonah Ryan

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"You don't get the complexity. You're the world's biggest single-celled organism." —Ben Cafferty

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"You know if it's a boy maybe I'll name him after you...Call him Fuck Weasel." —Amy Brookheimer

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"Hello, what do you want, you can't have it, goodbye." —Sue Wilson

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"He's just a varicose dick vein." —Selina Meyer

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"Screw you and the face you rode in on." —Roger Furlong

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"Hey listen, settle something for me. You like to have sex and you like to travel? Then you can fuck off." —Selina Meyer

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Amy Brookheimer: "7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that." Gary Hale: "Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing."

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"I'm just saying, I'm looking out for you. I wouldn't want you to become a fat, neurotic freak. Speaking as a friend." —Sue Wilson

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"Not quite. Like your mother, it's been previously loved and paid for by a couple of guys." —Mike McLintock

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"It was an accident. Much like when Big Foot got your mom pregnant, resulting in you." —Mike McLintock

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"Why don't you just go and fuck yourself in your own asshole?" —Selina Meyer

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"You have three kids by two different guys, maybe your last word should have been, 'No'." —Amy Brookheimer

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Mike McLintock: "Please stop staring at me like that. Undressing me with your eyes." Sue Wilson: "I'm adding more clothes, Mike."

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Secret Service Officer: "Ma'am, the President has left the building." Selina Meyer: "Who gives a flying fuck?"

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"Enough about the fucking boat, Mike. Take a flare gun, put it in your mouth, and blow your head off." —Amy Brookheimer

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"I'm eating everyone's shit. I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this." —Mike McLintock

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"The level of incompetence in this office is STAG.GER.ING." —Selina Meyer

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"I don't have time to ignore you." —Amy Brookheimer

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"That's like trying to use a fucking croissant as a dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess." —Selina Meyer

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Andrew Doyle: "If you want to play a game, Danny, why don't you try working an iPad with your dick?" Amy Brookheimer: "He's already got carpal tunnel in that area."

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"From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole, I am your fucking Siamese stalker." —Leon West

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"He can be a gold plated shit gibbon." —Andrew Doyle

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"She's mediocre. Of all the ocres, she's the mediest." —Dan Egan

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