Director: Uwe Boll
Stars: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Ona Grauer, Jurgen Prochnow, Clint Howard, Will Sanderson, Michael Eklund, Kira Clavell

This noisy crap-fest introduced America to hack director Uwe Boll, a man more hated than Al-Qaeda and as subtle as an autopsy performed by a rhinoceros horn. Devoid of scary moments, the film relies on janky footage from the Sega video games to supply its shocks. Low point of the movie: When the villain is asked why he seeks immortality, he responds: "To live forever." Thankfully his decapitated (yet still living) head is crushed and our scare-less misery does finally end.