Michael Bloomberg is a billionaire media mogul who’s been the mayor of New York City since the aftermath of its biggest disaster. If this were a comic book, he’d also be a cape-wearing crimefighting vigilante tearing up the streets at night in his Bloommobile. But life isn’t the comics, and no matter how many sign-language interpreting sidekicks he employs, Mayor Bloomberg will be a bona fide superhero.
So instead, he's decided to protect the people of Gotham by outright banning anything that could do them harm. With the help of his very own Justice League, the City Council, Bloomberg has very publicly taken on guns, cigarettes, soda, and now, those WMDs of summer: sparklers. Apparently, the second-rate fireworks are capable of causing "dramatic harm."
Bloomberg’s crusade has met with mixed results—apparently, some New Yorkers would actually prefer to do what they want—and it remains to be seen if he can successfully take sparklers off the streets and save tens, if not dozens, of adolescent arms from getting momentarily tickled. But regardless of whether birthday cakes get to keep that extra pizazz or not, there’s no doubt that Bloomberg will continue fighting the good fight, banning anything and everything that could hurt us.
The following are undoubtedly in Michael Bloomberg’s sights. Because he’s the hero New York City deserves (but not the one it actually needs). So we’ll mock him, because he can take it. Here are 10 things our not-so-silent guardian and watchful protector Mayor Bloomberg will ban next. Here's to our Dark Knight's over-developed protective instincts.