Thirst Level: 0.5

The damsel in distress archetype has been repurposed for many different movies, video games and other mediums of storytelling. And the Super Mario series is no exception. But sometimes we wonder: Why would Mario risk his life going through four different worlds to save a princess from a half-turtle, half-demon hybrid? Some thirst had to have been there. Sure, we can be naive and believe Mario did what he did in the name of love. But come on, son: Mario was probably trying to clean the princess' pipes.