3. Santa with Muscles (1996)
Director: John Murlowski
Stars: Hulk Hogan, Don Stark, Garrett Morris, Mila Kunis
Shitty Gift Equivalent: An Atomic Drop to the nads, brother.
Once again, with the exception of Andre the Giant's turn in The Princess Bride, professional wrestlers do not usually do well when they leave the squared circle for the silver screen. That didn't stop the Hulkster from perpetrating heinous cinematic crimes for over a decade, from Mr. Nanny to 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain.
In Santa with Muscles, which is perhaps Terry "Hulk" Hogan's finest work, he plays a millionaire who gets amnesia after falling down a garbage chute and believes he is Santa Claus. Ed Begley Jr. plays an ne'er-do-well businessman who hopes to close an orphanage in order to get to the magic crystals underneath. Old Royal Rumble VHS tapes from the '80s have a more believable and compelling story line than this.