Well, it's come down to this: Election 2012 is here. Whether you're a pundit, a pollster, a politician, a powerful donor, or—like us—just another person with a vote, chances are, you've got some interest in today's happenings. America's gonna stick it in the chad and elect some people. And they're gonna elect them hard.
That's where we come in. All day today through this evening, Complex staffers will be updating this liveblog on the regular, with breaking news, clear-headed results, and the occasional feature or two, as well as reader comments. Really, can you trust anybody else in the media? (No.) As the great Statue of Liberty's inscription goes—and we're paraphrasing here—bring us your ratchet, your thirsty, your sociopathic masses and the people who lead them. We'll bring you the news. - Foster Kamer
7:00 P.M. (EST) EXIT POLLING, WITH STYLE: You know what exit polling is, right? Aaron Sorkin invented it on The West Wing. It's when they ask people outside of polls who they voted for and it gives us an inaccurate picture of who votes are going to. That's happening right now in a few states! Meanwhile, we took it upon ourselves to exit poll some voters' looks with 2012 Election Day Street Style.
4:15 P.M. (EST): WILIN' 'CUZ THEY'RE YOUNG. The work day is winding down. Happy hours will begin and half-price whiskey drinks will be had. As the window for voting narrows, polling places have got turnt up, resulting in The Most Ratchet Tweets of Election 2012. What better way to work off those election night jitters than with a string of inappropriate tweets?
3:30 P.M. (EST): 140 CHARACTERS OF FAME. Bet you never thought you’d be taking political advice from Soulja Boy. Not that we’re saying you should. If these Ridiculous Celebrity Tweets about Election 2012 prove anything, it’s that famous people should stick to what they're good at. Hint: It’s not politics.
3:00 P.M. (EST): RE-TWEETED WISDOM. Once upon a time, pundits were the go-to source for political news, or you know, we read newspapers. Not anymore. Craft a menagerie of witty, opinionated tweeters with this: The 25 Best People to Follow on Twitter for Election Night. Now you have a shot at impressing that dime at the bar with other, more articulate people's opinions.
2:45 P.M. (EST): NOT QUITE PEANUTS. Scrolling your Twitter feed, you think the racist reactions strewn across your feed prove American values are deteriorating, but you're wrong. Overt racism is as American as apple pie. Just look at The 50 Most Racist Political Cartoons of all time. What's progress, again?
2:30 P.M. (EST): THE COMPLEX ENDORSEMENT. You skip out of work to head to your polling place, only to find that you're less than thrilled with the options offered. The only reasonable solution? Penciling in a Complex-endorsed candidate that represents everything you love about this country. Namely, someone who is pro-money, pays his damn taxes, and has superior knowledge of social media. Hint: It's not Jesus, but he is a deity of sorts. And our official 2012 endorsement goes to...
8:00 A.M. (EST): BAD EXCUSES. Put on for your country, and go vote. Or not? If you're passing on exercising what's supposedly your greatest right as an American, well, here are 15 Reasons Why You're Not Voting you can explain yourself with to others. Spoiler Alert: Most of them involve you being either a criminal, a dumbass, or a scrub. Also, probably, a terrorist.
7:00 A.M. (EST): A HISTORIC DAY IN, YES, DIXVILLE. It's morning in America. Literally. And people have already voted. The New Hampshire town of Dixville Notch—which is traditionally the first group of people in America to both vote and have their votes counted in full on election day—had their results in shortly after midnight. And guess what? It was a tie, 5 to 5, for the first time in American history. For the record, in 2008, Obama carried Dixville Notch 15 to 6.