Ever wonder what your girlfriend’s friends really think of you and your relationship? Most of the time it’ll be fairly obvious whether you’re scoring high on their approval meter. They ask you for guy advice, you help them fix their electronics, and you listen to their endless stories about their old college frenemies. So you’re in, right? Not exactly. You may be surprised to learn that you do things that irk them or that they’re keeping you in the dark about certain issues. Here are eight things they won’t tell you.
When your woman has a dream—or a nightmare—about her ex, or gets a random text from him, she may or may not tell you. But she will definitely tell her girlfriends.
“We think you're judging us.”
You may not say so out loud, but your mannerisms—eye rolling and other body language—speak volumes when you’re hanging out with your woman’s friends. Perhaps you feel threatened by the amount of time she spends with them, or worse, you’re just annoyed by them. Either way, you want to avoid setting up a you-versus-them dynamic. You need not adore all your partner’s cronies, but your girl will appreciate it if you accept them cheerfully, noting their positive attributes.
“We wish you’d spend more time with us.”
The good news: They like you. The bad news? They think you don’t want to see them, which is never a good thing. Yes, her friends can be just as needy as her. They want to get to know you and understand why their friend likes you so much. They also might want to find out if you have any similarly cool, single guy friends for them. Get involved in their lives, invite them to events, and on the flip side, say yes when they extend an invitation to you.
"You call/text too much."
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. If her friends see your name pop up on her phone multiple times when they’re out together, they’re going to think you don’t trust her. They’ll think you’re insecure or possessive, neither of which is a good look.
“You always come up with an ‘emergency’ to cancel plans.”
Sometimes things come up, and you have to cancel plans. It’s never a good thing, but when it’s chronic behavior, it’s destructive to a relationship. Her friends won’t trust you to keep plans, and may even start resenting you. And rightfully so. If you don’t like hanging out with certain friends of hers, then you have to vocalize it. Maybe instead of doing a double date with those people, you invite them over when it’s a larger group. But straight-up cancelling is just disrespectful.
"She's thinking about her ex."
When your woman has a dream—or a nightmare—about her ex, or gets a random text from him, she may or may not tell you. But she will definitely tell her girlfriends. They know all of her deepest, darkest thoughts, wishes, desires, and regrets when it comes to the ghosts of relationships past. It’s obviously best to keep communication lines open on this issue, but that’s easier said than done. Stay confident and just keep being the kind, generous boyfriend you are.
"But you’re so much better for her than he was."
See? There are some good things they won’t share, and for good reason. They may not want to offend you or your girl by bringing up how horrible the ex was. You might think you want to hear it, but it’ll just make your girl feel bad about being with a bad dude for however long they were together. Again, keep bringing out the best in her; they notice, and they like it.
“You’re a beautiful 40-year-old; why are you dressing like you’re 21?”
Dress as you feel comfortable, but always be sure to get your woman’s input. Not necessarily her approval, though that’s nice, but definitely make sure she’s digging what you’re wearing. Do that, and you’ll avoid her friends snickering about your weird shoes or inappropriate logo t-shirts behind your back.
“You flirt with us.”
This might be the cardinal sin of interacting with your woman’s friends. As I’ve written about before, problems can snowball quickly when one of her friends thinks you’re coming onto her. It gets even worse when she tells your girl, but neither says anything to you. Both women start to lose trust and gain resentment; it could even spark jealousy between them. Be aware of your behavior, and how people around you perceive it. Is everyone having a good time and just joking around? That’s fine. Anything more than that and you don’t deserve to be clued in… because you’re clueless.