Jamie Shupak is the Emmy-nominated traffic reporter for NY1, the Big Apple cable network that’s the end-all and be-all on all things Gotham for New Yorkers. She’s also a beautiful, single woman navigating New York’s treacherous dating scene after the painful breakup of a 10-year relationship. In her weekly column she’ll share her war stories and offer her advice and admonitions.
A lament about how women only like jerks inevitably follows every Internet blog post about the Nice Guy. We women don’t give the Nice Guy a chance. We like when a guy doesn’t call us back. We gravitate to the inappropriate, ill-mannered, and illicit.
We like to flirt and play, we like anticipation and a little mystery. We do not like jerks.
As two of my girlfriends declared over hot chocolate the other day, nice is making a comeback.
Nice at work, nice on the interwebs, and even—hard as it may be sometimes—nice in dating. I know—what ever will you do without judging someone before you meet them via their Facebook profile? Or the ignoring of her text the day after your first date?
No, I’m not trying to ruin all the fun. It just makes me cringe when I hear nice guys say they get taken advantage of, or tossed to the curb, for a slimy, bad dude.
I don’t care how hot you are, how successful you are, how anything you are—it’s not cool or fun to be mean. And for the record: It doesn't look good on anyone.
Nice is the new black, if you will.
But how do you it? How can you be Mister Nice Guy and avoid being disparaged over girls’ brunch the next day like last night’s hangover?
It’s easy, at least according to my mom, who always used to tell my brothers and me that it’s easier to be nice than mean.
And Helen is never wrong (just ask my dad).
It’s possible to be mysterious and still be nice. It's possible to tease and still be nice. Being nice doesn't mean being lame. You can still be sarcastic, playful, and make jokes, as long as you’re coming from a good place. It’s all about your intentions. You know she's sensitive about something? Hands off. You don’t know her well enough, and therefore aren't sure of what her reaction will be? Again, stand down.
Same goes for the women you date. You want to be with someone who treats you well, someone who makes you feel good about yourself.
If you know the woman won’t agree to a Friday night date with you because she’s waiting for something better to come around, say goodbye.
A guy I once dated gave me a clue about a birthday present two weeks in advance… and refused to tell me anything more. It was flirty and fun—and drove me nuts the way an unanswered text from a not-nice guy would—but still, it was nice. And the long-term payoff was well worth it.
In fact there is an exponentially bigger—and better—return on investment from a one-way ticket to Nice Town.
Check it out.
We all know That Guy: the smooth talker, the lady pleaser, the one who buys a girl a drink, tells her everything she wants to hear, then takes her home. They have a whirlwind, probably intoxicated, night together. She texts him a day later, doesn't hear back for another two after that, and then… let the games begin. By the time he comes around to ask her out again, she’s grown tired of his shenanigans, and has moved on.
Enter you, the newly reformed Nice Guy.
You buy that same girl a drink, tell her how intoxicated you are by the way she looks, and instead of taking her home, you make sure she safely gets back to hers. When she texts you a day later, it’s because you've already messaged her saying how lovely it was to meet her and that you’d love to take her out.
Being nice will land you that date, and many others to follow. I've told you this little (not-so-much-a) secret before: a woman falls in love via her mind. So appease that little noggin of hers, and eventually, being nice will get you laid.
Did you hear that?
Being nice will get you laid.
Then, by way of simple logic, if you continue to play nice, you will continue to get laid.
So That Guy had his one night of fun. But you dude, you my friend are having fun forever.
The world is hard. The economy stinks. The markets are wobbly. The train is late. The least we can do is be nice to each other.
If you don’t agree with me, fine, to each his own. Just do me one favor and remember another of my mom’s favorite sayings:
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Next week: Love her like Jim from The Office