This week on Jersey Shore, our favorite guidos and guidettes seem to be focused on their respective relationships (save for Jenni and Vinny, who we seldom even see) or lack thereof, and we see the cast become slightly more accustomed to Italy and Italian culture. Still, there are many things the gang has to learn, in both departments, as we see in this episode.
As always, if you missed it, here's the recap. You're welcome!
Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)
Deena and Pauly: We Still Don't Know If It's On
The episode begins right where we left off last week, up in the club with Deena and Pauly D trying to rip off each other's tongues (Pauly later calls her a "good kisser," but we assume he was just so drunk that this assessment can't be trusted) while the rest of group looks on in intrigue and horror. Deena confesses to the camera and she wants something to happen with Pauly, adding that she'd like a friends with benefits relationship; Pauly, on the other hand, isn't so sure, afraid that if anything happens with Deena that she'll develop feelings for him like Snooki did for Vinny when they began a casual relationship last season.
"Never in my life have I met a girl that could just hook up and have no feelings," Pauly tells the camera later. "They always end up having some kind of feelings, somewhere." Snooki and Jenni agree when discussing the situation later, but that doesn't seem to stop Deena, who attempts to climb into bed with him later that night. Pauly, however, pretends that he's sleeping and Deena goes away.
Later in the episode, when Deena tells everyone about Mike drunkenly trying to cuddle with her, Pauly is actually the one to mention it to Mike when they're all together having dinner. Mike, clearly not recalling the moment at all, tells Deena that he wouldn't ever want to cuddle with her, and Deena is left wondering why Pauly ratted her out when he was supposed to be her friend who she wants to have sex with a lot. Pauly doesn't seem to think its a big deal, but he apologizes later anyway because, after all, he still wants the option of screwing her if he decides to go for it.
Vinny and Ronnie Discover The Potential Of The Indoor Jacuzzi
In last week's episode, we very briefly saw the indoor jacuzzi that the house boasts, but its full potential wasn't realized until today, when both Ronnie and Vinny decide to take a quick dip. Apparently, it's no ordinary jacuzzi—it's a jacuzzi of love or something, as they soon notice after sitting in the tub for a while. "This could be like, ill romantic," Ronnie comments, noting the fine artwork and sculptures surrounding them, as well as the fact that the jacuzzi lights up in different colors. "Turn the lights off in this place, dog...." Ronnie visualized, to a slightly worried-looking Vinny.
"Don't f**king try to pull anything on me, bro," he jokingly warns in response, despite the fact that the jacuzzi is apparently pushing him towards Ronnie as he comments a few seconds later. "It's like a love-cuzzi, because it gravitates you towards each other," Ronnie agrees, and they float around aimlessly for a few moments as if trying to test the theory out before promptly getting up and awkwardly toweling themselves off in silence.
The Group Still Has To Work Fake Jobs
Even though everyone and their grandmother knows who these kids are by now, MTV still insists on placing the cast in an establishment to work a "summer job" during the season. This year, being set in Italy, the gang is set to work at a real Italian pizzeria, making real Italian pizzas the real Italian way—that means flipping the dough and stuffing it in a brick oven, the works.
Snooki is chosen to help demonstrate how to make a pizza; their boss, an old Italian man who speaks maybe three licks of English, is quick to say that this is the only time he'll show them how to make a pizza and no questions are allowed. Surprisingly (and slightly disappointingly) though, she doesn't do a terrible job and, as far as we know, no one gets food poisoning! Success!
The Sam and Ron Show Will Never End
Quite frankly, we're sick of discussing these two crazy kids, but it seems like their relationship is once again going to be a major plot point of the season, so we'll persevere—only for you guys, our hopefully thankful readers. Anyway, even though Sammi and Ronnie both confess to the camera that they don't want to revisit their relationship and want to focus on having fun, it seems like they forget that and more when drunk. It starts off with Ron, looking positively shitfaced at a club and telling everybody, including Sam, that he's had sex with four girls in three days. Sam heads outside, teary-eyed, while Ron goes on to anyone who will listen inside.
The next night, it seems the roles flip; this time, Sammi is the drunker one trying to talk to Ron as he attempts to make her tell him later, when she's not wasted. Deena drags her away then, but it's not enough to stop her from admitting to Ron later that night that she still loves him and wants to cuddle. The episode ends with both getting into their own beds, alone, but the sappy music playing in the background during the scene makes us think that we're supposed to feel sorry for them or whatever.
Snooki May Have a Situation Looming—One Named Mike
Poor Snooki. She loses some weight for her health and overall happiness, and all it seems to do is give Mike the inability to leave her alone for like five minutes. Sitch trails her for pretty much the entire episode, attempting to un-subtly flirt and feel her up about every five minutes or so. Snooki does her best to brush it off most of the time, even once letting him comfort her after she has a fight on the phone with her boyfriend Jionni, but she's unable to ignore it when Mike straight-up tells her that he thinks there's something between her and him.
Though she'd spent most of the night commenting that Mike's conquest for the night was unattractive in what could be perceived as a bout of minor jealousy, she's quick to tell Mike that they're just friends and there's nothing more. Regardless, Mike doesn't seem to believe her, and essentially says he agrees to disagree with what she's just told him about her own feelings.
It isn't really too clear where this is going, and quite frankly, it's getting hard to tell if Sitch is trying to mess things up between Snooks and Jionni or if he genuinely has feelings for her. Could it be that he has a, gasp, heart underneath his over-exposed abs?
Best Quotes Of The Episode
"What is this? Tell me these are strawberries...these are like, weird strawberries, are these good like this?" "Yeah, those are like raspberries...." —Sammi and Deena, respectively, when Sammi picks up a carton of raspberries in confusion
"We're working at a f**king pizzeria in Florence...when I'm 80 years old and I'm making pizza in my kitchen, and I'm teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, 'Oh, where'd you make pizza?' Bitch, I made it in Florence. That's where I made pizza. So shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza." —Jenni, speaking fondly of her future
"I know the way she feels, and I kinda have feelings for her too, I do still love her, but like I just go back to Jersey and I'm just like, f**k me in the ass with a spiked bat, I would rather not do that." —Ronnie, on how he does not want to revisit his tumultous relationship with Sammi
And, of course...
"She's too young for you, bro!" —Pauly D, drunkenly repeated multiple times, unwittingly sparking a Twitter hashtag trend.
Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)