8. You Wore a Football Helmet to Work Today

Never again will you be unprepared. Let your coworkers laugh. They won't be laughing so hard when all the doodads and tchotkes that line their cubicle walls start pinging off their unsuspecting and unprotected heads. Meanwhile you'll be laughing all the way down the stairs. Because everyone knows that a football helmet is all you need to survive an earthquake. Just ask Kobe, Japan. All those guys wear football helmets. It's, like, part of the culture. Like those little doctor's masks they wear.