In a discovery that will surely upset Cher, scientists have proven the cosmological speed limit, making the theoretical possibility of time travel seem even less possible.
Because they like to shit on the dreams of eight-year-olds all over the world (and regretful adults), Du Shengwang and his team of researchers from Hong Kong University of Science and Technology say they have proven that a single photon is incapable of traveling faster than light.
But blah, blah, science. What does it have to do with our Delorean-inspired dreams? Essentially, it has ruled out the possibility of condensing time within a vessel, so yeah, no time machines. However, theoretical era-explorers fear not: Einstein’s theory of general relativity still allows for the possibility of bending and tearing the space-time continuum to create wormholes through space-time.
Sounds pretty safe. Can’t wait for that to be S.O.P. (“What are you doing today sweetheart?” “Oh, I was thinking about ripping through the fabric of space-time. Going to go stop us from consummating Bobby, I told him to stop smacking his fucking gum.”)