Because the plight of the handsome, Harvard educated white male continues to be one of the more repressed, under-reported stories in all of the recorded human experience, the Winklevii, OLYMPIC ROWERS, are back in the headlines.
Though being portrayed negatively in The Social Network, and pretty obviously sporting a case that was as flimsy as the edge of the big-boy business cards that their daddy probably had made for them, the Winkelvii received a large settlement ($65 Million. Would now be a prudent time to remind you that these two are OLYMPIC ROWERS WHO WENT TO HARVARD?) from Facebook in 2008.
Well, the two most sensitive Olympians not perched on a podium are now responding to the recent news that former Harvard president, Larry Summers, essentially called them “assholes.” To be fair, this was an incredibly candid, possibly inappropriate, but ballsy and probably accurate quote from the president of a university. “One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock, there are two possibilities,” said Summers. “One is that they're looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an asshole. This was the latter case."
As you can imagine, in a move that is definitely not over-reactionary and pity-seeking, the Winklevii fired back with a 620-word letter to current Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust, calling for immediate action, a letter that included such masterful, diamond-teared weepiness such as the third-world has never seen!
“Regardless, it is deeply disturbing that a professor of this university openly admits to making character judgments of students based on their appearance (Hmm, chiseled muscles, impeccable posture, tightly-clenched buttcheeks, I wonder if these guys are Olympian rowers. Hold on, they’re wearing ties. Assholes.). It goes without saying that every student should feel free to bring issues forward, dress how they see fit (“Do others not own a tie rack with 7,000 different shades of the same-patterned Versace ties with matching ascots?”), or express themselves without fear of prejudice (“We want to stand up for rich white Olympian rowers everywhere! We are not assholes! We are martyrs!”) or public disparagement from a fellow member of the community, much less so from a faculty member).
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My apologies, please disregard that jumble of letters and numbers up there, that was merely violent streams of projectile vomiting striking my keyboard.