Drake had the Drake-iest birthday party imaginable earlier this week, complete with a live performance from esteemed "Kinda Crazy" hitmaker (and Drake's dad) Dennis Graham.

Drake turned his 31st birthday celebration into an all-day/all-night affair Monday by first meeting up with fellow important people at popular rooftop food ingestion locale Catch in West Hollywood. From there, the 6 God and the growing group of fellow important people hit up the whimsical as fuck Poppy nightclub.

Though I'm admittedly preoccupied by the apparent lack of Cheesecake Factory sponsorship at Drake's back-to-back throwdowns, I'm also very into the overall theme of his Poppy bash: a "re-bar mitzvah."

According to an E! News "insider," Drake made up for the lack of cheesecake by enlisting dancers dressed as cheerleaders, a basketball-themed photo booth, arcade games, an assortment of Dippin' Dots, custom Papi's Pizzeria pizza boxes, and custom red Aubrey's Re-Bar Mitzvah cups for proper sippage.

Among Drake's 31st birthday bash guests were confirmed party improvers Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Lamar Odom, Hailey Baldwin, Jamie Foxx, Kelly Rowland, Tracee Ellis Ross, Usain Bolt, and Halsey. In an inspiringly written passage from an Us Weekly article (*gasp*), the party methods of celebrated good times providers DiCaprio and Maguire are outlined in fascinating detail.

"Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio were at a table together dancing and singing to 'Watch Out' by 2 Chainz," a supposed "source" said. Sounds completely accurate to me.

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Of course, anyone who isn't Drake should probably expect a far more existentially challenging experience when turning 31 years old young. Life is ruthless.