Thanks to what presumably was an attempt to create a strong lead-in for its newer shows—the awkward Dating Naked and the hilarious Candidly Nicole, respectively—we were treated to a second episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta last Thursday. It continued from immediately where we left off on Monday—Karlie Redd discovering that Yung Joc was not out of town on business and was instead with his chauffeur-realtor-semi-annual sidepiece. You know, the one who looks like Nivea in her second trimester. Anyhow, Karlie Redd confronts them and asks Joc a very pertinent question: “How the hell do you go from here to a fat bitch?”
See, Karlie, it’s fine to be upset about being cheated on, but don’t shame the chubby chasers. Some people enjoy love handles and that’s perfectly fine. As the two went back and forth, it was clear Joc was enjoying the confrontation and the screen time way too much. For all the Karlie Redd-bashing he did—calling her a “dumb broad” for still fucking with him after he came home smelling like he hosted someone else’s vagina monologue—she’s the only reason he has a storyline. So, point goes to Karlie Redd, though I have to give Joc some acknowledgement for the line, “You know you’ve been diagnosed with THOTism.”
Well played, sir.
After that exchange came a serious conversation between Mimi and Deb Antney, which kicked off with Deb declaring, “Me and Mimi have some things in common: pain.” Deb says she wants to serve as a mother figure for Mimi. Mimi sure could use one (along with a therapist), especially if you recall what we learned about Mimi’s Scientologist mama in the first season. The story is even worse than we thought as Mimi revealed that she was conceived during her mother’s affair with her biological father, whom she didn’t meet until she was 16. Her mother handed her a piece of paper with his name and that was that. Good grief this is woman damaged.
Speaking of bad things, Mimi did agree to meet with Stevie J only to leave before finishing her drink, ‘cause after he vaguely acknowledged he was wrong for disrespecting her on the day her father died, he proceeded to bash “Freakko.” Of course, everyone on Planet Earth who watches this show agrees that Nikko ain’t it, but I guess when you embarrass the absolute shit out of your baby mama on national television you can’t be all “He can’t lead you and then take you. Make you and then break you. Darlin’, you hold the power.”
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Now, on to my favorite portion of the episode: Althea’s musical debut (on the show).
Althea used to be signed to Def Jam and Foxy Brown’s label or something back in the day. Plus she apparently studied ballet, jazz, and tap, which suggests she could’ve been a Mýa if she hadn’t been such a hater bitch. None of that was evident in her performance last night, though. No shade, but when your name is Althea you’ve got to move better than Ashanti.
Perhaps boo-loving with Benzino kept her away from practice, but Thi Thi sounded out of breath and in need of a flashlight to find the pitch. As for those dance moves, she was dancing like a stripper on the last half hour of her shift who become even more exhausted upon realizing that she still has to go home and make that double cheeseburger macaroni Hamburger Helper for her kids.
However, everybody can’t be Beyoncé, or even Ciara, so it’s all good, Thi Thi. I have since listened to the studio version of “Ghetto Love” and that shit knocks. It’s a thot bop, but if you’re into Thot ‘N B like me that won’t deter you. Some people will hate, but I’m Team Motherfucking Thi Thi.
It’s a shame the song isn’t on iTunes yet ‘cause Mrs. Zino would’ve already gotten my money. But maybe she’s more concerned about Benzino’s cash because talk of a prenup came up once Kirk dropped that nugget in the head of the Hip Hop Weekly publisher. I love that everyone continues to act like that magazine is on the level of People and Time. No matter, as Althea isn’t signing any damn prenup and Benzino instantly got over it when she told him so. The power of ass, y’all. Not to mention, this is a man who tattooed her body on his rib and cited the Bible (Jesus is frowning). He also said he wants to have a beach wedding and “lick the sand out of her booty.”
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Momma Dee also decided to show off her vocal skills during last night’s episode. Momma Dee sent a warning shot to “bad bitches” Rihanna and Beyoncé that she’s coming to knock them both off their thrones while riding her surfboardt. So how does the former pimp and nurse sound? Shit, like LaTavia Roberson. And unlike the former member of Destiny’s Child, Momma Dee isn’t afraid to sing on cue. I’ll be looking for that single, Momma Dee, ya heard me?
In between dreams of pop stardom, Momma Dee reached out to Erica in order to mend fences, netting her an invitation to Erica’s fashion show. I don’t know what got into Momma Dee—one assumes her prescription—but I’m glad it dawned on her that one day her granddaughter Emani is going to know that she tried to pimp slap her mama and that would be bad business for her.
As for the fashion show, it looked the next stage of Instagram boutiques. Like, if you want to look great while waiting in line to get in the club for free by 11, Erica’s got you and your curves covered. To that end, salute to you, Erica the beautiful, Thi Thi the thot track maker, and Momma Dee, music’s latest genius.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
