Last week, I ended up my LHHATL recap asking for more Erica Dixon after she delivered a splendid performance at the train tracks with her now ex-boyfriend, O’Shea. And to the show’s credit, the mother of Scrappy’s child did kick off yesterday’s episode—only it was in the capacity of repeating some Mimi Faust-fed gossip about Benzino’s boo thang to Karlie Redd. I know Erica has to keep collecting those club appearance checks, which means she’ll do whatever is required of her to stay on the show. Still, I’m not convinced she gives that big of a damn about Althea allegedly bedding Stevie J and Benzino.
No matter, though, as the opening scene’s biggest farce was Karlie Redd pretending that she wasn’t going to run and tell Joseline about Stevie J’s alleged infidelity to be messy; instead, Karlie said it was about their friendship. Hardy har. Karlie Redd is about as genuine a friend to Joseline Hernandez as anyone reading this is to Sallie Mae.
This was proven when Karlie Redd damn near climaxed on the gym mat when she told Joseline what she’s been hearing about her dude. If Karlie Redd ever gets saved, she’s going to be the messy old church lady. If not, she’ll be the messy old lady in her apartment building. Karlie Redd doesn’t spill tea; she takes a 2 liter bottle of soda, shakes it up furiously, and promptly twists the cap open so she can spill that shit all over the people in her presence. She’s fun, but no one is fooled.
Joseline knows this, so you can’t blame her for being initially skeptical considering both the source and its messenger. Clearly smarter than the average cast member despite not remembering much past eighth grade, Joseline is right to point out that Mimi still wants Stevie J and would like nothing more than to cause trouble in their rented paradise. So the Puerto Rican Princess opted to do her own investigation before reacting.
That investigation led to Joseline informing Stevie J at the very end of the episode that she is going to beat the hell out of Althea the next time she sees her—mostly because she feels she can’t take Stevie J. I’m surprised by this admission given the previous two seasons featured Joseline being the Ultimate Warrior to Stevie J’s Hulk Hogan. I don’t know, maybe she stopped drinking as many protein shakes and feels less confident.
Funny enough, Benzino has all but forgiven Stevie J for messing with his girl, though Stevie J swears that he’s never had sex with Althea. It’s very hard to know whom to believe. Mimi lies about her feelings and the porno movies they inspired all of the time, so she’s not exactly trustworthy. Neither is Althea, who is desperately happy to be on TV. And Stevie J is well…you know.
Speaking of awful, I can’t say how I’d handle being shot at my mother’s funeral on a VH1 reality series, but I would hope that I’d not be so eager to film overdramatic scenes about it. How overdramatic? Let’s just say I’m surprised Madea and a handsome, light skinned blue collar worker didn’t join Stevie J, Althea, and Benzino in the hospital room. My standards are already as low as the fifth circle of hell when watching this show, so you’ve got to be really on one to make me wince at what I’m watching this far in the Negro telenovela game.
That seedy-seeming scene makes the show’s worst person ever, Kirk Frost, look less awful than his peers for a change. Hoping to truly find peace in their long disrupted home, Rasheeda staged a meeting between her mom Shirlene and her arch nemesis, Kirk Frost. Their version of a peace accord came in the form of Kirk breaking Shirlene’s Chanel glasses (she ran over his motorcycle in a rage last season) and Shirlene punking Kirk into throwing an “I’m sorry” party for her daughter.
What is an “I’m sorry” party? The hell if I know. I hope Robin Thicke wasn’t watching last night’s episode because that sounds like something he would do, right? Who am I kidding? Robin is still outside of Paula’s window singing “Get Her Back.” I’m sure he’ll catch it on his DVR after the cops show up.
I hope Robin Thicke wasn’t watching last night’s episode, because an "I'm Sorry" party sounds like something he would do, right? Who am I kidding? Robin is still outside of Paula’s window singing 'Get Her Back.'
Oh, and for the record, Kirk should also tell Rasheeda he’s sorry for not getting her a hair care endorsement, because after hearing another one of her Shawty Lo-inspired verses last night, Rasheeda’s pretty self has got to make a change (for once in her life).
Meanwhile, Lil’ Scrappy wants “The Bam” back despite their bad breakup. Scrappy swears he has feelings for her, but I’m going to side with Yung Joc’s assessment of the matter: he just misses regular sex. Scrappy tries to woo The Bam back by buying her a dog. I suppose that’s sweet in theory, but at the same time, showing up at someone’s house and giving them a gift that requires responsibility is not as fun as it sounds. I hope he included a pooper scooper for The Bam as she’ll need it for both that dog and the bullshit Momma Dee is sure to bring her way.
Rounding out the pool of tragic men is Nikko, who shows up at Mimi’s house with flowers and an iPad that’s pre-loaded with their porn. Nikko is admittedly happy as hell about it all while Mimi continues to pretend she wasn’t a willing participant. Mimi thinks she’s Meryl Streep when it comes to convincing the masses that she didn’t want any of this, but she’s more like Mo’Nique in Phat Girlz.
But, to end on a positive note, Waka Flocka is ready to marry Tammy and no longer wants a big celebration given that at this point in his life, he just wants love and family. Waka Flocka is the most decent man on this show. Reflect on that…until next time.