The voice of the Internet, The Kid Mero, will be offering his opinions on everything from fashion to family values, algebra to defensive driving on Complex.com, twice weekly. Mero speaks for himself, his views do not necessarily reflect those of Complex.com, New York's LGBTQ community, the House of LaBeija, or your favorite local struggle rapper. You've been warned.

YO WHATS GOOD INTERNET ITS YA BOY THE GATEKEEPER OF KNOWLEDGE AKA YUNG CHEDDAR BAY BISCUIT, IM BACK TO KEEP THE GATES FREE OF WACK SHIT.

THE INTERNET IS A BEAUTIFUL THING B. YOU CAN GO ON THE INTERNET AND GET FREE PNO, BUY A COKEBOYS HOODIE AT A REASONABLE PRICE, YOU CAN EVEN SET UP A DATE TO CUDDLE (NO PENETRATION) WITH AN OLD WHITE WOMAN B. (GOOGLE IT.) SHIT IS CRAZY. BUT THERE IS A DARK SIDE TO THE INTERNET, THE SIDE WHERE WACK RAPPERS LURK IN THE SHADOWS, JUMPING OUT AT YOU DEMANDING YOU "LISTEN & RT FAM!!!! SUPPORT!!!" TO THEY AUDIO STRUGGS. OF COURSE YOU NEVER DO BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU? PAPOOSE IS ENOUGH AND IS KING OF THE STRUGCORE GENRE THAT I JUST INVENTED WITH MY BRAIN AND OUTSTANDING WIT.

IN THIS REALM ONE BODEGA FELINE CREATURE RULES ALL AND ROAMS AROUND TROLLING AND SQUAWKING AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE, FOLLOWED BY A GAGGLE OF VICIOUS CATTY LIPGLOSS FUNBOY MUTHAFUCKAS WHO ARE HER MINIONS AND DO HER BIDDING VIA TWITTER. THIS WILD BODEGA PEST CONTROL MAMMAL IS AZEALIA BANKS AND THAT BITCH IS FUCKIN BASURINGTON.

HERES THE PROBLEM WITH AZEALIA BANKS B. AND LET ME BE THE FIRST TO SAY, IF YOU GREAT, FUCK BEING HUMBLE. MY SON RICH SHERMAN WAS VERY NON-MODEST IN HIS "IM FINNA GO TO THE SUPER BOWL" POSTGAME INTERVIEW BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I FUCK WITH THAT, I RESPECT IT. YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ HOMIE IS THE BEST AT WHAT HE DOES AND YOU CAN SEE THAT WHEN HE STEPS ON THE FIELD. SADLY I CANNOT SAY THE SAME FOR AZEALIA. SHE BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA FEELING HERSELF LIKE A 13 YEAR OLD THAT JUST DISCOVERED PALIMAS B.

WHERE IS YOUR FUCKIN CATALOG B? I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANY OF YOUR SHIT AND BEEN LIKE "YO LEAVE THIS ON I GOTTA HEAR THIS!!" ON THE CONTRARY MA. YOUR CATALOG IS STRAIGHT FRUITYLOOP PRODUCED FUCKSHIT. RHYMES IS BUTT, WHOLE FLOW IS "IMA WEIRDO IMA WEIRDO IM COOL LOOK AT ME I SAY CUNT AND FAGGOT ALOT" NAH MA IN ORDER TO BE A FUCKING WEIRDO AND BE COOL YOU GOTTA MAKE GOOD MUSIC B. YOU THINK ANDRE 3000 WOULDA BEEN ALLOWED TO WEAR NEON FUR CHAPS AND A TINFOIL CODPIECE WITH A VIKING HELMET IF HIM AND BIG BOI HADNT MADE ATLIENS?

NOPE.

AZEALIA GET BACK IN THE FUCKIN LAB GET THE FUCK OFF TWITTER AND PUT SOME GOOD MUSIC OUT BEFORE YOU START MAKIN RECKLESS STATEMENTS LIKE "IM THE ILLEST FEMALE RAPPER OUT" (SHE SAID THAT) WHICH IS A TITLE THAT BELONGS TO NICKI MINAJ, WHETHER YALL LIKE IT OR NOT...AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IM A PIECE OF SHIT AND WOULD ACCEPT ALL THIS BUFFOONERY IF SHORTY WAS ATTRACTIVE BUT SHE IS BUILT LIKE AN ARACHNID AND MAKES THE SAME FACIAL EXPRESSIONS MY SON MAKES WHEN HES SHITTING OUT HIS PAMPERS.

SINCE THIS IS COMPLEX, HERES A TOP 10 LIST OF THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN LISTEN TO "ATM JAM" OR ANY OTHER SONG SHORTY EVER PUT OUT (HAS SHE?)

1) I WOULD RATHER READ THE PHONEBOOK HANGING UPSIDE DOWN WHILE MY MOTHER IN LAW FARTS IN MY FACE

2) I WOULD RATHER ASK MY WIFE HOW HER DAY WAS

3) I WOULD RATHER CLEAN THE BATHROOM AT THE WENDY'S BY ATRIUM WITH MY TOOTHBRUSH AND THEN BRUSH MY TEETH WITH IT

4) I WOULD RATHER READ A JODI PICOULT NOVEL PRINTED IN SIZE 24 FONT WHILE KENNY G PLAYS A RECORDER RIGHT INTO MY EAR

5) I WOULD RATHER HAVE A NUDE PUSH-UP CONTEST WITH DMX WITH A CRACKPIPE IN MY MOUTH

6) I WOULD RATHER BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH TWO HOMELESS DOPE FIENDS HAVING WILD RECKLESS SEX

7) I WOULD RATHER PLUCK MY PUBIC HAIRS OUT ONE BY ONE WHILE SINGING JEWEL ALBUM CUTS ACAPELLA

8) I WOULD RATHER GO TO THE SUPERMARKET WITH 7 TODDLERS AND A MIGRAINE

9) I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO KANYE TALK TO ME ABOUT PARISIAN TROUSERS AND HOW HE IS GONNA REVOLUTIONIZE THE TROUSER GAME WITH VINYL TROUSERS MADE OUTTA SOLO CUPS

10) ID RATHER SHIT IN MY PANTS IN THE WHITE CASTLE ON FORDHAM

AIGHT IM OUTTA HERE, YOU GOTTA DO BETTER AZEALIA ESPECIALLY SINCE IGGY AZALEA IS OUT HERE FLOURISHING SITTING ON NBA DICK AND LOOKIN LIKE A WHITE NUBIAN QUEEN.

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