What's beef, anyway? Is it talking greasy about your daughter for having octuplets after already having six kids? Is it slagging on your tween pop-sensation colleague? Prolly not, but that doesn't stop everyone and their artificially-inseminated grandmother from taking their feuds to YouTube.
If you're gonna go the digital route, though, you might want to take a second and get familiar with the new art of war, as pioneered by the original catfighters: rappers! Read on to see the 5 best ways to win a shit-talking video battle...
#1: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SLOPPY SECONDS
See: 50 Cent taking Tia Shopping
Spouses, flames, jumpoffs, bustdowns and baby mamas: everyone's fair game, and it's tough to come back when the next man shows up on camera with your ex girl.
#2: EMBRACE THE DISS
See: Pimpin' Curly
The new 8 Mile stylee. So RAWSE! tells people that the South doesn't care about Curtis, and that people down there call him Curly. What does 50 do? Puts on a wig and unleashes some thespian chops that far outshine anything he tried to make people buy a ticket for.
#3: WHEN IN DOUBT, SHOW YOUR TOYS
See: Bow Wow and Soulja Boy's Murcielago vs Gallardo showdown
Boo hoo, we both have Lambos. Mine is better. Nyeah nyeah, we both look like baby asparagus with tanktops on.
#4: DO YOUR RESEARCH
See: Shawty Lo offering money for T.I.'s high school yearbook picture
When you rep (the Lollipop Guild) hard, it's worth it to call out the imposters. Or just talk sideways about another dude's braids. Really, Shawty? Is that what's hot in the salon?
#5: TAKE THE MORAL HIGH ROAD
See: Joe Budden deflating Ransom
Sometimes it's not about record sales. Or record deals. Or, uh, ever having a record out. Sometimes it's about pride. And sometimes it's just better to kick your feet up and lay your head back on your girl's preternaturally fat ass.