Ted Cruz, a half-melted G.I. Joe who doesn't know how to spell the word "country," was apparently quite the charmer during his college days. Though his former Princeton roommate already told us about the alleged horror of Cruz's proudly displayed armpits, some truly deep digging by Jezebel's Ellie Shechet reveals that Cruz was also prone to some allegedly putrid thoughts on abortion and a bizarre fixation on locked entryways.

"Ted’s romantic life was extraordinarily limited, not that he wanted it that way," Stephen Wunker, who knew Cruz from his debate team era, tells Jezebel. "Ted was never one to, you know, chat up a woman, or have an easy sort of to-and-fro." Cruz was, however, reportedly quite a fan of chatting up women's issue using words like "whore" and references to some sort of eternally cursed afterlife:

According to [Mikaela​] Beardsley, the two were having an “intellectual debate” about abortion one day, when she disclosed that her mother had once ended a pregnancy. “I remember telling him [that] my mother had two children, they really couldn’t afford to have another child, they really would have struggled. And it was a very difficult, painful decision for my mother.” At that point, she said, “he became vicious and made it personal,” eventually telling her, in his loving way, “that my mother was going to hell and was a whore.”

Shechet, who was attempting to track down information on an unprintable Cruz rumor when she unearthed these inadvertent gems, also got some interesting memories regarding Cruz's allegedly brief stint with pratfall-prone nudity during an old Princeton tradition known as the Nude Olympics:

According to several classmates, none of whom were firsthand witnesses, Cruz was said to have run the wrong way and was later seen naked and banging against the window of a locked dorm in an attempt to gain entrance.

Wow.

When defending Cruz's college era to Jezebel, the current Republican presidential candidate's former college debate partner says his memory of those years differs greatly. According to David Panton, the two were involved in multiple instances wherein other human beings stopped by to "engage in long, fun discussions about politics, philosophy, and life."

Peep the full saga here.