The person profoundly unfortunate enough to have suffered through a cursed existence as Ted Cruz's Princeton roommate has returned to offer additional thoughts on his former miseries, including something downright horrifying involving armpits. As previously reportedCraig Mazin (now an accomplished screenwriter) has recently started making a habit of dropping semi-regular Cruz truths on Twitter.

Thankfully, Cruz's ability to secure an Iowa come-up despite resembling a slowly melting action figure was just the inspiration Mazin needed to deliver additional tales of Cruziness:

If that's not scary enough, try this:

What about the fact that Cruz appears to regularly wear more than one watch? Mazin has a promising theory:

Send your condolences to this guy. The wounds may never heal.