25 Athletes With the Most Annoying Stans on the Internet
From Kobe lovers to Suarez defenders.
For those who are unfamiliar with what a "stan" is, Urban Dictionary gives this definition:
For those who are unfamiliar with what a "stan" is, Urban Dictionary gives this definition:
25. David Beckham
Career years: 1993-2013
David Beckham is one of a handful of people in the world who trandscends their profession to reach an elite cultural status. He's done it through incredible success on the soccer field for Manchester United, Real Madrid, the Los Angeles Galaxy, and England, his marriage to Posh Spice, and his handsome looks. Problem is, that creates three sets of stans who often overlap: his sports stans, his pop culture stans, and his sex appeal stans. They'll drool over his family, free-kicks, and underwear ads without any filter or interest in honest sports debate. His stans have been in the game the longest, and have laid out a blueprint for the stans of athletes in other sports to follow.
24. Tyson Chandler
Career years: 2001-Present
Knicks fans stan for Tyson Chandler without even realizing it. They love to praise the hardworking, tough-nosed type of player who values defense, even if it means being blind to the truth: he's just an average help defender in the post who racks up too many fouls, does next to nothing on offense, and struggles to guard big-men one-on-one. For Knicks fans, watching Roy Hibbert slowly disassemble Chandler in the playoffs was painful. Yet stans will relentlessly defend Chandler's shortcomings, because his qualities remind them of the Pat Riley Era and an old school New York attitude.
23. Manny Pacquiao
Career years: 1995-Present
Manny Pacquiao stans have fallen on hard times ever since Juan Manuel Marquez knocked him out, instantly creating one of the best sports memes ever. Most of his stans are proud Filipinos, and they won't let Pacquiao's KO deter their nationalist spirit towards him. They just refuse to let go, even though #MoneyTeam won't hear it.
22. Sidney Crosby
Career years: 2005-Present
Sidney Crosby is one of the most decorated hockey players of our time, but he's had a helluva lot of trouble staying healthy. Concussion problems have derailed his career the past three seasons, and his stans have stepped up to fill the void and protect his "best player" crown. Get back to us when he plays more than half a season again.
21. Aaron Hernandez
Career years: 2010-2012
Yes, there are actual fans of Aaron Hernandez still out there, and they've wasted no time defending him while he awaits trial for the murder of Odin Lloyd. Shocking. The "Free Hernandez" movement probably also believes that Tupac is still alive and that O.J. didn't do it.
20. Jack Wilshere
Career years: 2008-Present
In the United States, we love to recklessly build up our superstars, and just as relentlessly tear them down. In England, tearing them down from the start is usually par for the course. Jack Wilshere, however, is a rare exception. The departure of Cesc Fabregas, Samir Nasri, and Robin van Persie in recent years has made the 21-year-old the new face of Arsenal, and in the media and with stans alike, Wilshere is untouchable.
He gets all the credit and none of the blame, which leads to his stans bombarding Twitter with claims that he's better than the likes of Xavi, Andres Iniesta, and Steven Gerrard. Please. Take the stan test: If we told you that Player A scored no goals and had three assists in 25 league appearances last season, would you say he's better than Xavi or Gerrard? No. What if I told you that Player A is Jack Wilshere? Your answer is yes, now? Take a seat.
19. Kenny Dalglish
Career years: 1969-1990
Liverpool legend Kenny Dalglish retired 23 years ago, but an entire generation of older Liverpool fans still hold onto Dalglish dearly. And unfortunately for the Internet, they bought iPhones and learned how to tweet. When American owners Fenway Sports Group, led by John Henry (they own the Red Sox too) sacked Dalglish from his managerial post at the end of last season (he spent over £100 million on player transfers and guided Liverpool to a 7th place finish), some fans channeled their once closeted xenophobia towards Henry and FSG and unabashed hatred towards current manager Brendan Rodgers, all in the name of stanning for "King" Kenny.
18. J.R. Smith
Career Years: 2004-Present
For NBA fans and stans alike, J.R. Smith represents that life. Hell, he even inspired a "Racthet Meter" here at Complex. Much like #MoneyTeam, J.R.'s #KoldGame stans hope to channel some of their hero's own ratcheness and riches in their daily lives. J.R. and #KoldGame are an inspiration to us all, but when J.R.'s stans have to do the talking in absence of his own normally stellar play (see: the 2012-2013 Knicks postseason), stanning for J.R. becomes #KornyGame.
17. Tony Romo
Career years: 2003-Present
Unless you want a calculus lecture, don't mention the word "playoffs" to a Tony Romo stan. Yes, his regular season numbers are Pro Bowl worthy, but every Pro Bowl caliber quarterback aspires to playoff wins and Super Bowl titles—Romo has one playoff win in seven seasons as a starter. Yet Romo stans can find all sorts of advanced metrics to fend off his haters and prove that Romo is actually a great quarterback. We'll start listening when he makes it out of the second round of the playoffs.
16. Allen Iverson
Career years: 1996-2011
The most polarizing American athlete at the turn of the century, it's been a while since Allen Iverson broke NBA ankles. In his prime, his swagger and speed had players (and David Stern) shook, but at age 38, his NBA career is on ice. His stans still think that he's All-Star quality though, and they have no shame in putting that opinion into practice. No pun intended.
Iverson was voted into the All-Star game at age 34 while averaging 13.9 points per game, but he left the NBA a bit unceremoniously—he took time off from his last season with the 76ers to be with his ailing daughter, and never returned to the team. Perhaps stans just want one last hoorah out of The Answer. Everyone else just wants him to prove he's washed up.
15. Derrick Rose
Career years: 2008-Present
Derrick Rose stans have had a tough year. Their man sat out the entire 2013-14 season to fully recover from his torn ACL even though doctors gave him medical clearance to come back in March. Meanwhile, the point guard play of Tony Parker, Chris Paul, Russell Westbrook, and Kyrie Irving made NBA fans forget that Rose even existed. To keep Rose in everyone's minds, Rose stans went on a campaign to keep their boy relevant while he made a physical and mental recovery back. Sorry, but it's really hard to care about a player who isn't actually on the court.
14. Mario Balotelli
Career years: 2006-Present
Mario Balotelli stans and J.R. Smith stans should go on vacation together. They both love the bullshit their players pull, and don't really care about how they play, so long as they succeed and fail while staying true to their ratchet nature. In Balotelli's case, that means FLEXING RIDICULOUSLY HARD (pause) after scoring twice against Germany in the Euro 2012 semis, and then getting into a brawl with his Manchester City manager months later.
13. Tim Tebow
Career years: 2010-Present
Sports and religion mix pretty seamlessly—many athletes practice some form of devout worship, and naturally give it up to God whenever they do well. How many times have you heard an athlete say, "I just wanna thank God" before getting into the rest of his/her post-game or award show spiel?
Tim Tebow is the most extreme product of that sports and religion blend, and to his stans, he represents Football Jesus. Being proud of your religion and what you believe in is cool and we're sure it helped you achieve greatness, but Tebow and his stan's evangelical nature can come off as, um, creepy and borderline cringe-worthy to the secular sports world.
12. Rafael Nadal
Career years: 2002-Present
Another athlete, another set of stans seeking validation. There's no doubt that he's the rightly crowned "King of Clay"—eight French Open titltes in nine years speaks for itself. Nadal only (using "only" feels harsh here, but such scrutiny is needed when evaluating the tennis pantheon) has three Grand Slam outside of Roland Garros' clay courts, leaving the door wide open for brutal "Rafa Nadal or Roger Federer?" debates. Federer's 237-week stretch as the world's No. 1 and his higher number of Grand Slam championships should make it an open and shut case for Federer, but Nadal stans will never have it. Nothing is worse than a pack of stans clutching at straws.
11. Luis Suarez
Career years: 2005-Present
Luis Suarez stans have little to no moral compass. They defend the indefensible. Their reaction to Suarez yelling racial epithets at Patrice Evra: "Evra's a lying cunt." Their reaction to Suarez flipping off Fulham fans: "It's just a bit of banter." Their reaction to Suarez biting Branislav Ivanovic: "LOL." Never mind that the suspensions handed down from these idiotic actions have cost Suarez 13 matches (he's also suspended for the first six games of next season to complete his ten-match ban for biting Ivanovic) at a time when Liverpool can least afford it.
His actual game play is admirable and magnificent, which leads to Suarez stans dismissing his costly and controversial decisions rather lightly, instead of giving him the tough love needed to remedy his obvious problems. But his antics give the game a black eye.
10. Ryan Sheckler
Career years: 2004-Present
A David Beckham stan comparison would be apt here if Ryan Sheckler had achieved anything close to what Becks has done on the pitch. The fangirl type of stan that Beckham attracts is born out of the success on the field—Sheckler's stans flock to him because of his reality television fame and his washboard abs, not because of his actual skating prowess. #TheThirst is real out here for Sheckler stans. When that kind of teenybopper stan inflicts athletics, two worlds collide to the detriment of everyone, leaving the Internet broken and nobody happy.
9. Derek Jeter
Career Years: 1995-Present
The David Beckham stans of baseball have a home in Derek Jeter. Both iconic athletes have continued to flourish on all fronts with age, giving their stans further ammunition. Even as his defense has waned, they coddle Jeter, and because he's a bachelor, his female stans go to sleep dreaming of becoming Mrs. Jeter.
8. Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
Career years: 1996-Present
What would a superstar athlete be without superstar branding? Floyd Mayweather's "Money Team" loves to patrol the Internet, and with a recent crop of #MoneyTeam apparel, Mayweather's frail fans can stan in their basements and at the supermarket—anywhere but the actual ring. #MoneyTeam: For stans who love to talk about the hustle from behind a computer screen.
7. Kobe Bryant
Career years: 1996-Present
The same way Kobe Bryant leads through bullying, Kobe stans stan through aggressive and outlandish tactics. But beneath those layers of hard stanning, Kobe stans have a hidden inferiority complex. They're engaged in so many conflicts at once: the battle to re-assert Kobe as the NBA's best in front of LeBron and Kevin Durant, and the long-term war to supplant Jordan as basketball's greatest ever. Deep down, they know that the stats, wins, and championships just aren't adding up, and won't ever add up in Kobe's favor, so they feel the need to be particularly nasty online.
6. Michael Jordan
Career years: 1984-2003
Don't get into a basketball debate when a Michael Jordan stan is lurking on your timeline. Or really any debate for that matter. You could be discussing whether garlic fries or curly fries are better, and an MJ stan will climb out of the Twitter abyss and declare that because MJ likes steak fries, that's the best fry. We all love to pay homage to MJ on a basketball and cultural level, but reminding the world that he's basketball's G.O.A.T. at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night isn't necessary. Fall back, Jordans stans. Or better yet, retire. MJ did.
5. Tom Brady
Career years: 2000-Present
Tom Brady stans protect him the way a mother cub does with their child. Just like NFL referees, they can't bear to see him take a hit. They put him on the highest pedestal the NFL has to offer, and they won't let you knock him down. He also attracts the David Beckham type of stan, meaning that he'll always get love for his looks and his family, no matter how many Super Bowls he loses.
4. Neymar
Career Years: 2009-Present
Neymar stans are a tricky bunch, because there are really two sets of them. The first set are the more traditional stans—they'll ride or die for Neymar forever. The other set has a love/hate relationship with Neymar—they'll be super stans when Neymar does well, but call him overrated when he struggles. Don't get it twisted, as the second set are still stans, but with a more fair weather flow. Both sets are still incredibly annoying.
3. Cristiano Ronaldo
Career years: 2002-Present
Ronaldo stans are essentially a hybrid of two pre-existing sets of stans. They have the same characteristics as Beckham stans because of Ronaldo's play, looks, and celebrity lifestyle, but with the hidden inferiority complex of Kobe stans. They'll mask over the fact that their man used to be No. 1 and has been knocked off his perch by someone better *cough* Messi *cough* by performing a series of mental gymnastics. And if you dare to confront a Ronaldo stan in a Ronaldo vs. Messi debate, they'll quickly go on the defense, declare, "But Ronaldo is tall and hot and Messi is an imp!" and then log off to cuddle with their Ronaldo blow-up doll.
2. Jeremy Lin
Career years: 2010-Present
Jeremy Lin is an inspiration for Asian Americans, and there are plenty of them who'll wash over Jeremy Lin's deficiencies and call him an "elite" point guard. Nothing is wrong with a bit of shameless cultural bias, except when it gets in the way of serious debate. It's not just a racial matter though—there are still a few NBA fans who, with Linsanity still fresh on their minds, prop up Lin, irrespective of race. Let's keep it real for a minute: Right now, he's an average NBA guard (he was ranked 35th out of all point guards in PER last season), who's capable of turning in All-Star level performances a few nights a year. At 24-years-old, he certainly has the potential to become a very good point guard, but let's not act like he's in the same class as Chris Paul, or even Ty Lawson.
1. LeBron James
Career years: 2003-Present
LeBron stans are kind of like Beyoncé stans... Everyone knows that LeBron and Beyoncé are the best at what they do, and because they don't screw up enough to incite controversy, stans have little—if anything—to defend them for. The art of apologist stanning is lost with these folks. Instead, these stans go on the attack, preying on obviously inferior players and entertainers, throwing "shade" from their ivory towers, and gloating on social media with a false sense of superiority. Hey LeBron stans: We get it. Your man is the best. No need to put other players down on Twitter when LeBron is physically doing it on the court.