As it turns out, protecting the neo-Nazi-sympathizer-in-chief and his annoyingly large family isn't cheap. Trump, whose presidency thus far has been defined by extended bouts of lurching around golf courses and giving neo-Nazi groups the benefit of the doubt, has reportedly forced the Secret Service into a financial crunch "in large part due to the sheer size of President Trump's family and efforts necessary to secure their multiple residences up and down the East Coast."

Given that this USA Today report doesn't praise Trumpism in a religious manner, fragile Trump will likely declare it "Fake News!" in a series of poorly constructed tweets any minute now.

Secret Service Director Randolph Alles spoke with USA Today, informing the nation they can "no longer afford to pay" hundreds of agents needed to perform what has been politely called "expanded" protective measures. "I don't see this changing in the near term," Alles said, noting that he has no flexibility in terms of the Secret Service's legal responsibility to the former steak salesman and his family.


A total of 42 Trumpees (including 18 family members) currently have protection, marking an increase of 11 from the Obama administration. More than 1,000 agents have already topped their federally mandated caps for salary and overtime. These caps, Alles explained, are meant to last for the entire year. Even if a proposal to increase those caps from $160,000 to $187,000 is approved by lawmakers, an estimated 130 agents will still not receive full compensation for "hundreds of hours."

Though this should be obvious to you by now, the money-sucking problem isn't helped by the fact that agents are forced to head to various Trump-related properties in Florida, Virginia, and New Jersey nearly every weekend. Additionally, agents must accompany the Trumpkins on overseas trips and whatever the hell else people who sit on logs like this do with their time:

As for the future, a spokesperson for Maryland Rep. Elijah Cummings predicts that the demands of the Secret Service will continue be "higher than ever" throughout the Trump years. Also, just a fun little fact worth mentioning: The Secret Service has reportedly spent an estimated $60,000 on golf cart rentals this year alone. 

Also Watch