A Field Guide to the Modern Day Fuccboi

Breaking down all the cornballs who invade your timeline non-stop.

If the Internet has done one thing for fashion, it’s proven how many fuccbois there are in the world. They’re at your local mall, at your place of business, and in your neighborhood. Always dressed in the most tragic of fashion trends, these are the guys who are the first people to post their ’fit pics on Instagram, and they’re also the first people you don’t want to emulate.

We’ve broken down fuccbois of every stripe in hopes that you can avoid their mistakes. No matter what lifestyle you ascribe to or facets of culture you’re super into, these are the people who pride themselves on being on the cutting edge of corniness. Behold: A Field Guide to the Modern Day Fuccboi.

Illustrations by Oli Holmes

The “I’ll Have What Kanye’s Having” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: A.P.C. Kanye, adidas x Kanye, Fear of God, Haider Ackermann, Vintage Raf Simons

If Yeezy is wearing it on Monday, then you can bet this guy will be rocking it this Friday. This is the dude who didn’t know who Haider Ackermann was a month ago, but now owns a velvet sweatsuit by the Belgian designer who Yeezy himself called a gawd. When images of the Yeezy 750 Boost first leaked, this fuccboi acted like the grainy photo was the second coming of Yeezus. He was also the first whiner to complain about not getting a pair on your Twitter timeline. It’s reasonable to think that someone might want to take some style inspiration from Kanye West. It’s a completely different matter when someone studies the dude's every move so intensely that they start rocking a chain with the name of a stranger's child. You're about two steps away from stalker territory, which still doesn't justify your fuccboi status.

The “Cul-de-sacs Are My Streets” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Diamond Supply Co., Stüssy, Publish Brand, Trukfit

If you randomly selected 10 photos tagged with the word #fuccboi, at least half of them would feature a pasty nerd looking like he's about to drop the hottest mixtape the suburbs have ever heard. Of course, any lack of actual toughness is masked with throwing his middle fingers in the sky against a tree-lined cul-de-sac background. Unfortunately, no amount of braggadocio regarding one's swag and vaguely threatening captions can make this fuccboi look like he's actually living that life.

The “I Spent Everything on My Sneakers” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Jordan Brand, adidas Consortium, Maison Margiela Line 22, Nike Tier Zero

Listen, we understand that for some dudes their kicks are the most coveted pieces of the wardrobe. We have nothing against sneakerheads. That being said, when you spend a grip on a pair of deadstock Nikes, only to pair them with ill-fitting bootcut jeans and a corny graphic T-shirt, we have to question your priorities. It’s this type of thinking that spawns such travesties as #NTDenim. Yes, you can devote more of your time and money to your sneakers, but focusing on kicks alone is like starting at the bottom—and staying there.

The “Rick Owens Disciple” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Rick Owens, DRKSHDW, Siki Im, Alexandre Plokhov

This guy’s personality is dark, layered, and brooding, and so is every piece of clothing in his wardrobe. After Rick Owens had a few models bare their balls in his Fall/Winter 2015 show, this fuccboi was so devoted to the dark side that he actually considered doing the same. While the street goth kids mix runway looks with streetwear staples like caps and Jordans, these dedicated dark lords only drape themselves with luxurious garms that would seriously cut into their rent money. Good thing living in Mom’s basement is free, because how else could one possibly cop yet another elongated tank top?

The “Throw a BOGO On It” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Supreme, Supreme x Any Brand Ever

It’s well established that Supreme is never going to fall off. The lines outside the store at every release are proof that the streetwear brand is effectively bulletproof. But just as the brand will always be around, so will the Supreme Stans. Decked out in nothing but box logos—and wearing gear with references to artists and icons they don’t understand (cough…Neil Young…cough)—this fuccboi is one who’s heavy on brand loyalty but light on brand references and common sense. Why does Supreme produce things like ashtrays, pillboxes, and fire extinguishers? Because James Jebbia knows that if he places a box logo on anything, fuccbois will cop. Coming soon: Supreme taint hair waxing kits.

The “Basic” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Sperry Top-Sider, Bonobos, The North Face, American Eagle

When the vision of a “fuccboi” appears in your mind, you probably see layers of Pyrex Vision and Supreme. But have you ever thought about the fuccboi decked out in boat shoes and a North Face from Sears? This type of individual is less obvious, but it’s hard to look past his pastel oxford, matted fleece pullover, and American Eagle T-shirt. These things aren’t inherently terrible on their own, but paired with a constant attitude of superiority, combined with the fact that this guy will probably make more money than you ever will, lands this bro archetype squarely in his own category of fuccboi.

The “Fashion Victim” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Raf Simons, Saint Laurent, Maison Margiela, Dries Van Noten

A variation on the Kanye copycat, this individual focuses his attention on wearing nothing but designer clothes, and wants you to know it. Before you cry out that this isn’t a fuccboi, take a closer look. This guy buys designers not because he actually cares about what they produce, but because he heard that someone like Virgil Abloh is a fan of Raf Simons, so he thinks he should be, too. It’s not a fuccboi move at first glance, but if you only started copping Givenchy and Raf because your favorite Internet Trendsetter™ does, plus you're name-dropping constantly and your Instagram captions start to look like Style.com's runway show line-up, then welcome to Fuccboiville.

The “Dressed by the Internet” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Très Bien, 1992, MIDNIGHT STUDIOS, Pintrill

A living interpretation of a Tumblr homepage dedicated to Scandinavian furniture, this fuccboi’s wardrobe teeters between anime references, MS Paint graphics, and tongue-in-cheek acknowledgements of classic fashion houses. The issue with this fuccboi stems mainly out of his lack of restraint. If you see a classic logo (Nike, adidas, Playstation, Givenchy, and Chanel) with katakana characters mixed in—and a few emojis added on top for good measure—then you’ve probably stumbled into this fuccboi’s wardrobe. In addition to child porn and racist articles your uncle posts to Facebook, this type of dude is just another example of why society should unplug the Internet.

The “Wannabe Cool Teen™” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Hood By Air, Off-White, Raf Simons, Supreme

We have respect for cats like Mike The Ruler. For someone to sign onto the VFILES aesthetic so wholeheartedly is impressive in its own way. That said, we’re not advocating that you, or anyone you love, attempt to ride the Cool Teen™ wave. No normal human can afford that much Hood By Air and Supreme, and honestly, unless you want to look like a 14-year-old hypebeast (and you really shouldn’t), then you’re only setting yourself up for online and IRL bullying.

The “All I Read is ‘Quartersnacks’” Fuccboi

Favorite brands: Palace, Bianca Chandôn, Supreme, Dime

Knowing how to skate is not a prerequisite to wear a skate brand’s wares. Just look at Supreme’s popularity for proof of that. It’s a good thing that brands like Palace and Bianca Chandôn have planted their flags as much in the fashion world as the contemporary skate community, but there’s a difference between appreciating skate fashion and fronting hard like you’re a skater when the last time you ollied was in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2.

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