Have you ever been so exhausted at work you just decided to go on airplane mode and snooze straight 'til quitting time? I'm sure we all have. Getting this #content created and published is exhausting. NO NAPS. JUST LONG SLEEP. So, instead of, oh, I don't know, calling it a fucking day and telling your boss to go suck a lemon, you can buy this inflatable tie from Hammacher Schlemmer and get straight slumped right at your desk. Discreetly I might add!

My heart goes out to every actually successful guy who gets this as a gag gift from his shitty ungrateful children, his sidepiece or a co-worker. If you have an office with actual walls and a door, you've probably worked really hard to secure such a private sanctuary in the workplace. Offices these days are exactly like old-timey baseball stadiums that had really long troughs for everybody to piss into instead of separate urinals. That's exactly what an "open" office plan is like FYI. I'm not trying to rub shoulders with the Fashion Bros when I'm getting these tweets off, feel me? I can't fucking wait until I go to the Complex offices and trick everyone into thinking I'm ruminating on the best Top 25 list of all time when I'm really just dreaming about sliding into their girls' DMs.