The '90s were weird. Pepsi was clear, Shaquille O'Neal was a movie star and fat chicks were giving blowies to saxophone-playing world leaders. However, one of the strangest products of the '90s was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Something about "teenagers with attitude" that fight giant cosmic demons (and are also color coordinated by race) really struck a cord with the American people.

I witnessed this anomaly first hand, most notably when I jumped off the stairs and karate kicked my Cocker Spaniel in the face because I thought I was the Red Ranger. Also, I'm pretty sure my mom got in a fight with a Portuguese lady at Toys "R" Us over the last Green Ranger action figure. One of them curb stomped the other while screaming, "KING KONG AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!" I won’t reveal who it was, but let's just say I got the toy I wanted. Thanks, mom.

Recently, it was announced that Lionsgate is going to be producing a new Power Rangers movie. Naturally, I felt it was obligation to provide my expert opinion on the matter and come up with a dream team cast and crew. Because this is Lionsgate, the studio famous for the Saw and 300 movies, I am working under the assumption that this film is going to be gritty as fuck and Rated R. Just please God, no Zak Snyder.

P.S. I'm going to try not to sound racist. No promises though.

Matt Rimer is a writer living in Boston. Follow him on Twitter here.