The 2014 World Cup is less than a month away and only one in three Americans plan on tuning into the biggest sporting event on the planet. That means 66% of you will be relegated to watching inconsequential summer baseball while literally the entire universe will be transfixed on 32 countries battling it out for a lifetime of glory and riches.

But if you’re late to the party they refer to as “the beautiful game” and aren’t wasting precious hours of your life playing FIFA 14, this guide will help you select a team based on the only thing that’s important to you: clothes, dawg. Read on for A Guide to Choosing a World Cup Team to Root for According To Their Kits.