At long last, New York is again warm enough that you might actually want to go outside! This, much like everything else in life, is cause for celebration. And for many able-bodied, alphet-wearing humans who are not currently enrolled in a 12-step program, celebration is cause to drink alcohol. But what sort of fancy alcohol should you drink? If you go to places like GQ or Esquire, you can find out about all sorts of ridiculous cocktails with $60 whiskey in them garnished with some herb that no one who isn't a mixologist or a dweeb actually knows about. And that's bullshit. This is a site about clothes. The more money you're spending on fancy cocktails, the less money you're spending on alphets. As a certified dude who writes for a vaguely fashion-related site, I'm not going to let that shit stand.

Much like choosing which fabrics to drape yourself in every morning, you should be creative in how you decide to get drunk this summer. But, again, since this is a website about fashion, you shouldn't be spending very much money on it. So, I put on my mixologist fedora, went to the bodega across the street from my apartment and created some delicious cocktails to waste your life, but not your savings, with.

Drew Millard wrote this while gone off those Four Pins comments. You can read more of his work on Noisey and follow him on Twitter here.