Earlier this week was Cinco de Mayo, which you carelessly spent drinking because you have no responsibilities in the form of, oh, I don't know, work or children. So, you got drunk. Very drunk, in fact. Good for you! You've earned it! Have you? I don't know. Maybe you haven't. Let’s create a hypothetical universe where you do deserve to routinely destroy your body's vital organs. And what a universe it is! And what a person you are! A good person? Debatable. A person? Definitely! Even a garbage piece of shit person is still a person, they just have a few added adjectives in front of the word "person." Okay, so here are some hangover cures in case you're a big baby.

Brendan O'Hare is attempting to be a writer and comedian while living in NYC. Follow his comedy jokes on Twitter here.