brick /brik/ [noun] : gaffe, blunder, a badly missed shot
By now you guys have come to expect hard-hitting, well-researched and impeccably crafted journalistic pieces from Four Pins. And we're keeping the hits coming just for you guys. In this case, we're pleased to present the official Four Pins Brick Index. What is the FPBI? Think of it like the NASDAQ, but for measuring how next level a brand may or may not actually be. Using a highly sophisticated algorithm, we've been able to figure out just how much of a supposedly amazing brand's offerings are straight up fucking bricks.
Why did a Brick Index have to be invented? IT'S INANE QUESTIONS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE EVERYONE HATE YOU. But to answer your stupid inquiry, it's because a label or designer's collection is a lot like an album. It's easy to point out the radio singles, but a few hot songs don't a classic make. For certified banger status you gotta be all killer and no filler. From lookbooks to hype over a particular item to everyone on the Internet flexing some gratis gear, a variety of factors can obscure the true strength of any collection. Since we at Four Pins are basically professional assholes, we decided we'd rank some of the more popular menswear brands by the proportion of bricks they have in their current offerings.
Let me explain our methodology: Most of the brands cataloged before you have their own webshops, so we had our analysts peruse the items for sale and enter their findings into a supercomputer we call JAWNZ 5000. In the case that a brand didn't have stand-alone e-commerce, we simply looked at their most recent lookbook and third party stores that sell their clothing. All pieces in question were then categorized using a purely binary scale. As far as we are concerned, something is either dope or a brick. By tallying the amount of bricks in an entire offering we were then able to produce the brand's official Brick Percentage. What follows is our highly-sophisticated, heavily-researched and entirely accurate report of our findings.