Born in Alaska
Dresses Like: A grown man with a disturbingly large collection of Avengers comics
State's Honorable Mention: Todd Palin

Curt Schilling looks like the lead role in every childhood PSA about talking to strangers. It's like he saw a video where a dude pulls up to an elementary school in a windowless van and said to himself, "I want to dress like the guy who's offering free Skittles!" Tasteless pederast is not a good look. We thought that was obvious, but apparently some people need a reminder.