Mason Ho's life is probably sicker than yours. The Hawaii native is a professional surfer who's paid to travel the world to shred in the most remote, beautiful locations on the globe. Dude is constantly surrounded by fellow wave-chasers, beautiful women, and seriously good vibes at all times. But still, Ho hasn't found that perfect wave yet, and his quest continues.

Surfline asked Mason what the perfect wave would look like, and the ensuing three minute rant is a must-watch. Ho's master slang usage is unparalleled, and will include at least three dozen words you've never heard before. Brah, just stop reading this and click the above and enjoy getting pitted in Ho's epic fantasy save.