Yesterday afternoon, Allen Iverson took part in his final press conference ever and announced his official retirement from the NBA. And to the best of our knowledge, he didn't curse during it. But according to a piece that Grantland put up this morning, AI likes to curse a lot when he talks. So much so that we have no idea how he doesn't slip up when he's speaking in public.
Writer Ben Detrick, who wrote the Grantland piece, hung out with AI a few years ago when he was with the Memphis Grizzlies and spent some time with Iverson one day talking about a little bit of everything. At one point, AI started talking about Michael Jackson during their interview because he had just passed away and was on the TV screen. And he managed to work a ton of curse words into an eight-sentence explanation of MJ's greatness.
"That motherfucker," he said. "He may be the greatest motherfucker on earth. His daddy heard that motherfucker and said, 'Man, you gonna make fucking billions. You the fucking shit, man. I'm gonna stay on your ass and make sure you gonna be the shit.' It worked, too. Mike said he never got ass-whuppings at auditions and singing and dancing shit, like his brothers used to get they ass-whuppings. He never fucked that up."
Wow! If you're keeping score at home, that's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve curse words (we're including "ass-whupping") in just eight sentences. That's impressive. AI also continued by working MJ's pet chimp Bubbles into the conversation.
"I wonder where Bubbles at now," he said. "I know he be hurtin'. Anybody that love Mike and got Bubbles knows how Bubbles got treated, man. Bubbles got more money than you. Man, look. Jermaine Jackson said he was over there, and you know how Bubbles used to be around his kids all the time? Now this is a goddamn monkey that will slap your head off. And then they brought the baby over there and Bubbles went over and kissed the baby on the forehead…I ain't takin' in no monkey!"
Not quite as much cursing. But still equally as great!
We're going to miss you, AI. And despite your foul mouth, we wouldn't be mad at all to see you accept a job as a TV analyst sometime soon. Just please don't disappear altogether.