If what's being reported is true, then the New England Patriots—America's Most Likeable Professional Sports Franchise—just got more likeable. Or "likeable."
Yes, folks, Tim Tebow...
[a.k.a. Teebuz Christ a.k.a. TIMMEH! a.k.a. God's Son (Not-Nas) a.k.a. Tim-Dog a.k.a. Rev. Tebow a.k.a. I Can't Believe It's Not Butterfingers) a.k.a. Played for New York in and Is Still Afraid to Eat Pizza* a.k.a. Tebow Grease a.k.a. TebowTebowTebowTebowTebow a.k.a. T-I-M Not T-O-M]
...is now signed to the New England Patriots.
As a quarterback.
For the upcoming season. Not two seasons ago, or one season ago, but this one. See here:
Just filed to ESPN: The Patriots are signing QB Tim Tebow and expect him to be in minicamp tomorrow— Ed Werder (@Edwerderespn) June 10, 2013
Things to know:
- This all supposedly happened within the last 24 hours.
- Reminder: Rob Gronkowski once said he'd like to take Tim Tebow's virginity.
- This news inevitably caused Mike Francesa to go completely batshit.
- Reminder: Bill Belichick made a statement last week to say he didn't hate Tim Tebow.
- Stat dump: "Tim Tebow averaged 1.75 yards after contact over last 3 seasons—the best of any NFL QB."
- Deadspin quotable: "WHAAAAT."
Yet, the real and most crucial takeaway here is that nobody knows exactly how Tebow's going to fit in there yet, or what it's going to be like when he does. But he is reporting to a mini-camp, and if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that this is all you will hear about on ESPN for the next week, the NBA Finals not withstanding.
More on ESPN, where everyone is having an aneurysm right now.
[*Not factually verifiable but certainly in the realm of possibility.]