People who are particularly adept to performing well in fantasy football are usually the team manager types. The guys who spent more time in the junior high nurse's office than they did on the field. So, it's especially asinine to hear "now go get your shine box," from a cocky dude in your league who couldn't run a mile without vomiting on himself.

You realize you're not doing anything, right? Ray Lewis hurls insults at Mark Sanchez because he's a volatile pipe bomb of testosterone. He's 250 pounds and really pissed off. You check ESPN Alerts on your iPad and keep an eye on the waiver wire. There's a difference. He smashes grown men's faces in for a living. You work at Subway and cried at the end of Top Gun